The unknown.

I haven't really experienced the unknown in a long time. It has been years. Thinking about it, I haven't really delved into the unknown since I went on my mission. Yes, I went back to BYU and had all new roommates, but let's be honest here, BYU is pretty much un-changing. Even my Parents, when they came for graduation, commented that not much had changed in Provo since their days there, many moons ago. So Provo wasn't really a new adventure. But this... this is a new adventure. The trip to the unknown. It's making me sick to my stomach. 


Currently I'm sitting in the Denver airport, people watching. I've got about 55 minutes until my flight to Colorado Springs. Airports attract all varieties of people, my favorite of the day was an older black gentleman, wearing a pinstriped suit and a hat. He had his ear pierced and was carrying a cane. I've seen cowboys, soilders, one girl wearing a T-shirt with a giant sparkling Y on it (why didn't I get one of those?) and the lady sitting behind me who just said the words "Oh-Em-Gee!" in a conversation. Also, there are some Amish or Mennonite women who just walked by. (At first I thought they might be Mormons...) And a grandma wearing a baby phat bejeweled t-shirt that reminds me of the bejeweled martini shirt that my great aunt wore to the family Christmas Party. 


I wonder what people think of me when they see me. I feel like I'm fairly non-descript. Forgettable. Except maybe that I have a terrified/shell shocked look on my face. 


What if I don't remember what the family looks like? What if they don't come? (At least i have their phone numbers).  The excitement I felt for the past few months at this new adventure is over. I want, more than just about anything (and I never thought I'd say this) to move back to Provo. I want to go back home, and hide in the cave at the apartment. I want to cry, knowing that my best friends are so far away from me, and I don't know when i'll see them again. 


But I can do hard things. 


Two weeks ago in relief society I gave a lesson based on a BYU devotional given by Elder Jeffery R Holland, who bases his comments on a verse from Hebrews 10:35-36. It is one of my favorite talks, life changing, even. Click HERE to read it all


Here are excerpts, mostly for me right now. 

If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now. Don't give up when the pressure mounts... It's been done before. Don't give in. Certainly don't give in to that being who is bent on the destruction of your happiness. He wants everyone to be miserable like unto himself. Face your doubts. Master your fears. "Cast not away therefore your confidence." Stay the course and see the beauty of life unfold for you.
...
After you have gotten the message, after you have paid the price to feel his love and hear the word of the Lord, "go forward." Don't fear, don't vacillate, don't quibble, don't whine. You may, like Alma going to Ammonihah, have to find a route that leads an unusual way, but that is exactly what the Lord was doing here for the children of Israel. Nobody had ever crossed the Red Sea this way, but so what? There's always a first time. With the spirit of revelation, dismiss your fears and wade in with both feet. In the words of Joseph Smith, "Brethren [and, I would add, sisters], shall we not go on in so great a cause? Go forward and not backward. Courage, brethren; and on, on to the victory!" (D&C 128:22)....

Along with the illuminating revelation that points us toward a righteous purpose or duty, God will also provide the means and power to achieve that purpose. Trust in that eternal truth. If God has told you something is right, if something is indeed true for you, he will provide the way for you to accomplish it. That is true of joining the Church. It is true of getting an education, of going on a mission or of getting married or of any of a hundred worthy tasks in your young lives. Remember what the Savior said to the Prophet Joseph in the Sacred Grove. What was the problem in 1820? Why was Joseph not to join any other Church? It was at least in part because "they teach for doctrines the commandments of men, having a form of godliness, but they deny the power thereof"(JS--H 1:19; emphasis added).
God's grace is sufficient! The Lord would tell Joseph again and again through those early difficult days that, just as in the days of old, these modern children of Israel would
be led out of bondage by power, and with a stretched-out arm. . . .Therefore, let not your hearts faint . . . : Mine angel shall go up before you. . . .. . . and also my presence, and in time ye shall possess the goodly land. [D&C 103:17–20]

What goodly land? Your goodly land. Your promised land. Your New Jerusalem. Your own little acre flowing with milk and honey. Your future. Your dreams. Your destiny. I believe that in our own individual ways, God takes us to the grove or the mountain or the temple and there shows us the wonder of what his plan is for us. We may not see it as fully as Moses or Nephi or the brother of Jared did, but we see as much as we need to see in order to know the Lord's will for us and to know that he loves us beyond mortal comprehension. I also believe that the adversary and his pinched, calculating little minions try to oppose such experiences and then try to darken them after the fact. But that is not the way of the gospel. That is not the way of a Latter-day Saint who claims as the fundamental fact of the Restoration the spirit of revelation.
Fighting through darkness and despair and pleading for the light is what opened this dispensation. It is what keeps it going, and it is what will keep you going.  

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me. 


My plane is here. Time to board. Onward and upward. 

tender mercies

This evening I was talking with a friend and thought maybe we knew the same person, so we pulled up facebook (which I had left open). I noticed that I had a message from a girl in my home ward. She's several (like 7) years younger than I am, and I don't really know her well, She was ten when I left home... But here's the message she left me:

"i have no idea why i am say this but i had a feeling i nedded to here it goes.. your a great lady. you have so many great qualiities that will make you a great wife and mother one day"

It just gave me warm fuzzies and reminded me of my favorite quote:

"God does notice us and he watches over us, but it is usually through another person that he meets our needs."~President Spencer W. Kimball

I guess facebook isn't all bad.


Also, in case anyone was wondering... I have 2 finals left (to be taken tomorrow morning) and then I am DONE at BYU forever!! Can I get a what what??

Someday...

Sometimes, I hate facebook.

Facebook is really good at telling me whenever anyone I am friends with gets engaged.

Today I got online and saw that a girl several years younger than I am (who, I might add has already been engaged once) is engaged. I don't mean to say that I'm not happy for her. I am, I want people to be happy.

But... I just wonder when it will be my turn. And I'm graduating and at a place where I never imagined that I would be. 25 and single, and while I have plans, I'm just not sure where to go from here. Or how to change anything...

Keep working on that being a quality person thing.

Some days it's easier for me to be happy for other people's happiness.

Today is not one of those days.

And today I hate facebook.

Murphy's Law and my weekend adventures

Wikipedia: 


Murphy's law is an adage or epigram that is typically stated as: "Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong".

The British stage magician Nevil Maskelyne wrote in 1908:

It is an experience common to all men to find that, on any special occasion, such as the production of a magical effect for the first time in public, everything that can go wrong will go wrong. Whether we must attribute this to the malignity of matter or to the total depravity of inanimate things, whether the exciting cause is hurry, worry, or what not, the fact remains.^[3]

The Set Up:

For MONTHS my roommates and I have been planning that for reading days we would head down to Moab. For the past 2 years, our roommate M has been telling us that we have got to come home with her to Moab. So, we packed up my trusty little car, and headed out around 6:30 Thursday night. We had planned well. Thursday night to get here, Friday to hike a little and see the sights, Saturday to do a really exciting thing that will come out later. Back to Provo Saturday afternoon. (Because I teach Relief Society on Sunday... and have a final at 8am Monday morning-- which I have studied for already this morning!)

The Trip:

So we packed up, filled up, headed out and were on our way. Price canyon is apparently one of the most dangerous canyons in the US, but we'd planned our trip to include daylight and late enough in the year to avoid ice. We navigated the canyon beautifully, but as we were on the way out of it, lights in my dash came on. Now, for a car that is very basic (it's from the 80's and doesn't even have a gas light), lights are a bad, bad sign. It was the brake light, the emergency brake light and the battery light. 


I have enough car savvy to check the oil, tires and other fluid levels. Lights are beyond me. So as soon as we were out of the canyon, I called my Dad-- the poor man, only gets calls when something catastrophic happens with the car... He told me it could be a few very simple things, or something mildly catastrophic. We opted against stopping at the first town out of the canyon (Helper, UT) and made it to Price around 8pm. We stopped and asked directions to an auto parts store at a maverick station and the guys at O'Riley's were more than helpful. They pulled out their cool little doo-dad and after poking around under my hood for a minute confirmed the worst. The Alternator was bad. 


Here's where I'll whine about what happened, then I'll talk about the good things that came out of this:


This couldn't have happened last weekend when I was in Idaho at my grandpa's, less than 5 miles from my uncle who is a mechanic, and surrounded by my dad and brother who have manly car skills and the tools to do it!
It couldn't have happened in Provo where I have semi-mechanically minded friends, or could get by without a car until my brother or dad could come down and help ME repair it. 
I had to drive an obscure 'granola' car here in american made country where they had to order the part (the one part in the state) down from Orem, which-- just so you know, the Orem O'Riley's is the best place to get old Volvo parts... they just have them... 
My last hurrah with my roommates has now been tainted... bah!


Ok, the good:


First-- I didn't brake down in the canyon! 
When it became apparent that we would have to spend the night in price, we went to one of the cheap looking motels coming into town, and when I asked for a room the chick just looked at me like I was crazy. She then called over to the one hotel in town that said they had a room available a few hours earlier. It was still available and NOT exorbitantly expensive. We later found out we literally got the last room in town. And it had a pool, and M had her swimming suit, and S had shorts and a tank top, so S and I went swimming (I wore M's suit).


S and I also walked over to the smiths (a few blocks away) and purchased a few staples of living-- bagels, yogurt, carrot sticks, and some dinner.


I called the mechanic first thing in the morning. (the previous evening at the parts shop, the guys had thrown around a few ideas for which shop to send us to, but these suggestions often ended with, "but it's a volvo, he won't touch those things.") He got me right in, knew a few things about Volvos, found the part, had it couriered down to Price from Orem, and got us on our way by 6pm Friday night. 


This left us 8 hours in Price Utah (it was around 9 when we went to the mechanic's). When we asked people what to do for that time they all laughed at us and told us to go to the Dinosaur Museum. (Which we went to the lobby of, and decided we weren't up for all that reading, so we went and took a nap in the Peace 'garden' instead). 


Luckily for us, Price is a VERY small town, so everything's within walking distance. Knowing we had all day, we decided to go to the DI and see what treasures we could find. We wandered for a while, seeing some cool/strange stuff, and S found a battery powered alarm clock for her trip to Europe. 


As we were checking out, I asked the clerk what there was to do in Price, she mentioned the Museum and we said we were down from BYU and had had car troubles and had all day. A couple in line behind us (they were the only other people in the store) piped up and said "There's a Friday forum at the institute and we're having a General Authority come, you could come to that" When we asked directions, they introduced themselves and offered us a ride up to the College of Eastern Utah (yes, Price has a college). 


As we were walking toward the institute building, we saw the institute director, and a few other men in suits walking towards it as well. Our friend Pete (the one we met at DI, I forget his wife's name) introduced us to then institute director and then one of the suited men looked up and said "Malia?" And then Malia said "Bishop?" and Shelly said "Bishop?". Turns out, in this small, small, small, Mormon world, the Shelly and Malia's bishop from Snow College is now the executive secretary to Elder Wheeler of the 5th quorum of the 70. It was such a random coincidence, or not a coincidence at all. 


We went to the forum, and it was great-- we learned about the church's new young single adult ward organization protocol, and some other very pertinent things to us. It was good for us to be there. 


Finding ourselves on a college campus, we decided to look around. We found a large TV where we finished our bagels. (They were the cinnamon crunch bagels from Smiths... easily my very favorite bagel I've ever had, they will change your life.)


We checked out the bookstore, which was so weird! I know it is a small school (2,173 students), especially compared to the monstrosity that is BYU (32,955 students), but it was so tiny! They only had one employee working! I think it would have been a really fun place to grow go to the first 2 years of college. Had we been stuck in Price another night, I would have pushed to attend the Eagle Frenzy and I could have become a true eagle (I over heard something about standing on a rock and doing something with your lips... and getting a t-shirt!) I would have done it too! 


So we spent the rest of the day wandering around town, they have a few shops, and we didn't even have to resort to Walmart... (Also I spent zero money during the day... knowing how much my repair bill was going to be). 


We could not have ordered a more perfect day to be on foot. No rain, few clouds, but not too hot. It was gorgeous (even if we did get a little sunburned)


Around 5:30 we were beat, walking all day in the sun. So we headed back to the mechanic to see if Betsy was done. She wasn't, but the man had promised me that he'd get us out of town by 6, so we waited patiently if not a little haggard, till she drove out front. It was the happiest thing I've ever seen-- I do love my car. 


So I paid for the repairs (I am now short one arm and one leg), and we were on our way! We were pretty spent when we got to M's house, her mom had chicken salad (full of delicious veggies) and a vegetable bean soup waiting for us, and we scarfed it down (or at least I wanted to, I tried my best to hold back and be polite!) We finalized arrangements for tomorrow, and turned on a movie (that I watched maybe 20 minutes of before I crashed)


Then I woke up at quarter to 7... bright eyed and bushy tailed. So far I have been super productive this morning. 
I read my scriptures.
Studied for my final on Monday.
Listed my car for sale on KSL and Craigslist. 
Started formatting my lesson for Sunday. 
And checked my bank statements. 
And blogged about my ridiculous Friday/Saturday. 


And it's not even 9:30 yet!


Hopefully all this going wrong before means that today will go PERFECTLY! 


(*crosses fingers*)

25 and still alive....

My birthday ended a minute ago. (Don't worry, it's still birthday week!) What a great day. I feel so blessed to be where I am with the amazing people who I have in my life. I am so blessed! 

For the past 3 days my roommate Shelly has made me list 25 things I love about my life... Some of them overlap, but I hope you enjoy the lists. 

Monday:

1. Roommates
2. Bangs (with my new haircut)
3. upcoming graduation
4. my new job
5. good weather
6. visiting with my family
7. my nieces
8. my sibling relationships
9. confidence
10. well traveled
11. books
12. my mission
13. my calling at church (RS teacher... it's awesome)
14. my cooking skills
15. being tender hearted
16. lunch with Grandpa on Sunday
17. the gospel
18. my cell phone cover
19. BIRTHDAY WEEK
20. I'm a good driver
21. I'm happy
22. I have a decent singing voice
23. I love the temple
24. I'm getting better at money
25. Time with Shelly

Tuesday:

1. ME
2. Shelly trying to fix my phone (that I threw under my car and broke the cover off of... it eventually was fixed with stickytack...)
3. good hair days
4. that we have a bathtub
5. my shoes
6. my current job
7. great harvest days (which Tuesday turned out to be!)
8. new glasses (which should be in soon!)
9. the Farm
10. my house
11. church
12. eye candy
13. Breakfast
14. b-day week
15. my eyes are cool
16. I love mountains and living by them.
17. bacon
18. school gets out tomorrow!
19. Shelly
20. Shelly's family
21. straws
22. I currently have a full gas tank
23. sewing skills (which is what I did at work tuesday)
24. chocolate
25. ME

Wednesday:

1. Me
2. Good weather
3. Shelly
4. malia
5. Free stuff (like a birthday burger from red robin)
6. Berry Limeade
7. love
8. lots of Facebook love
9. my shorts (they're super cute)
10. That I'm not all pale anymore
11. the cute boy who could pull off a fanny pack... seriously
12. no more school!
13. feeling Awesome about being 25
14. my new bag
15. My new glue gun (watch for that to come into the picture on my other blog...)
16. my movie (Far and Away)
17. my new willow tree figurine
18. cake waiting at home (It was delicious)
19. I got to go to BYU which was one of my life dreams
20. my confidence
21. I finished the book of Mosiah in the Book of Mormon. 
22. My dad called me (and my mom, and my sisters and my brother)
23. I am happy!
24. My skills (i have lots of them)
25. I LIKE MY WHOLE LIFE!

My life is awesome. That's all.

A mood...

Today I am moody. This might be partially from sitting in the car for 4 hours on the way home from Idaho, it might be from not sleeping in my own bed for the past 2 nights, it could be stress, but for whatever reason, I'm in a FUNK. I generally like to have soundtrack music to go with my moods, and today I have been drawn back to the music of my childhood.

Do you know who Leonard Cohen is?

He is the original writer of Hallelujiah (Rufus Wainwright did the version on Shrek...)

How about Jennifer Warens? Most likely not.

This album: Famous Blue Raincoat is all cover songs by Jennifer Warens


And I've just been in the mood to listen to it today. Luckily, thanks to the wonders of modern technology, I can find all of the songs I want to listen to on YouTube!

Maybe I'm a nerd, but there's something homey about her music, her rich voice, the meloncholy songs. I had forgotten how gorgeous her voice was. And I still knew all the words to the songs.

Fifteen thousand words...

I realized that I have been not very good at blogging about my life. I realize that most of you aren't really too concerned with my day-to-day activities, but someday, I'd like to have a record, and since I've failed at journal writing for the past 8 months, at least a blog helps me keep track :). 

Since they say a picture is worth a thousand words, here are a few pictures of what I've been up to:

This is not the most attractive picture of me... but it's what I would have looked like with a cap and gown on, had I not chopped off my hair (you'll see...)

This is Lucy "talking" on the phone with Grandpa this weekend. He was so cute with her. 

This is me with my favorite roommies in SLC for conference!

Shelly and I got all dolled up for......

REBA!! (and George Strait)

Barbara Jean came too! 

She came out in a red dress when she sang 'Fancy'

We LOVE Reba and George :)

These are the easter eggs I made with Ties... they're AWESOME looking, seriously, pictures= no justice. 

(see my hair) Rachel, Me and Amelia (4)

While waiting for James to be done graduating, Amelia insisted on smushing our faces together. (again, not really an attractive picture of me...)

We're so proud of our graduated brother!

No child has ever been so happy to open a pillow with her name on it!

Lucy played with the phone and the dog for a good 30 minutes! She was adorable, and Bella was so patient!

These are Dr Pepper Cupcakes I made for dinner group. They were super moist and delicious. I think I hate like 12 of them (since the batch made 36) for breakfast. 

Lists.

I feel like with just one week left of classes (and of being 24 for that matter) and just over two weeks till I leave Utah forever (or for the foreseeable future) I keep crossing things off my list, but it just keeps getting longer. I feel like there are the need to do's and the want to do's. Unfortunately much of the want to do's are getting pushed off the end of the list in favor of the need to do's. And then, I have days like today, when despite a serious flare-up of senioritis, I try my very best to get some things on my list done, and it all fails. People don't answer the phones, places were too busy for my schedule, and I forgot important things for my final project at home and had to run home and was 25 minutes late for my class... yeah.


That being said, I did get one very important thing done today. Remember how I've told you about my awesome sister who loves me? She does. (I think I'm her favorite sister...in Utah). She took the photo for and edited and made this:

I ordered them today. Yup, check that one off the list. If you want one let me know... I did order 50.

Also on my list was an oil change (but with a 90 minute wait before they could get me in, I opted to do it tomorrow after work, with an appointment.) 

I tried to get in for an eye appointment (because I only have one contact left, yeah one, not a set) but had to make an appointment for tomorrow morning (before work). And my glasses are move than 4 years old so I can't drive with them. 

I tried to call my brother to hire him to detail my car. But nobody answered. I left him a message to call me, but he failed to get that message. (I did finally get a hold of him, and he is going to get my car sale ready for the bargain price of 7-8 dollars and hour-- I had NO idea how much to pay my kid brother to clean my car... but he seemed to think that it was fair. Hopefully he won't take 10 hours to clean it... ) 

Ok, I'm done whining... sorry about that. 

I really do love my life.

15 days. 

Success!

Friday was a source of serious anxiety for me... you see, I had a mission reunion. And mission reunions cause me anxiety. It used to be that I had anxiety about seeing my mission president because the ending of my mission was abrupt and unpleasant (well, unpleasant for me). After a year and a half I decided that I could either see my whole mission as a failure, or I could enjoy seeing my mission friends/president.

Then I was an IDIOT and dated my district leader... making mission reunions a little miserable all over again. Except Friday was actually kind of awesome. I had serious stress going into it. (You can talk to my BFFSF- best friend forever spanish fork) I'll spare you the gorey details. Let's just say that if Wednesday was a stomach display of pyrotechnics, Friday was the waterworks.

So we (BFFSF and I) showed up at the same time as the dl and his new wife. But he is a pansy and avoided me the entire night (even running down the hall past me to the other entrance to the other door). And... excuse me for my pettiness, but he got fat. (Bahahaha).

And I got asked to lead the music. And he creepily smiled at me the whole time (so i moved to the right so he was hidden behind someone else). I was a little worried he'd want to talk to me after (and I had decided what I would say, just in case- and it didn't include any profanity). But he was a pansy and avoided me.

I am just so very happy that things didn't happen between us, and that I'm good where I am in my life. It was maybe like I actually got a little closure. And it just makes me happy. Then they left early, so I could relax and enjoy myself.

It is kind of nice to have exciting plans (not just 'I'm in school') with my graduation and move to the east.

AND THEN

Sister Wallis told me I looked good! Now, I don't know about other people's mission president's wife, but it was the goal of all the sisters in my mission to have her say you looked good.

SUCCESS!

And the best part is, that it was the truth!

(Which is partially because there was an AWESOME sale at Down East and I got 2 new dresses and a plethora of shirts for $5 or less each!)

just wondering...

As far as eating at college is concerned, I eat better than I would say 80% of students. I rarely (read NEVER) eat ramen, cereal is not always my only meal of the day, I don't eat frozen burritos or pizzas. But lately... breakfast has been a struggle.

It's not lack of availability. I made a batch of honey cinnamon whole wheat french toast and have it sitting in the fridge, waiting to be popped in the toaster for easy eating. I have a few boxes of cereal, oatmeal, eggs, even a frozen breakfast sandwich that I prepared earlier in the semester for quick eating, and a bag full of breakfast cookies hanging from my shelves. But lately...

(Mom-- don't judge)

Yesterday I ate 2 chocolate cupcakes and a glass of Dr. Pepper for breakfast. (And before you tell me I would feel like junk all day-- no, I felt great!)

Today, I delved into the box of candies I brought home from foods class this week-- peppermint bark, sugared nuts, buckeyes, divinity. YUM!

I have all these instant, or near instant foods at my fingertips, but all I want to eat is candy this morning. I'll probably grab something 'real' before I leave.

(This could be stress, not only is my whole life changing (with no signs of ever coming back to this stage or place) but tonight I have a mission reunion where I'll get to see not only my mission president and his wife (who I love) but other people, who I have less of a desire to see. Hopefully my stomach's pyrotechnics are done for the week...)

The question is:

Now that I'm graduating, (I decided I was too close to drop out now) do I have to start eating real breakfasts?

(PS: for those interested, I ate a REAL breakfast the morning of the humiliation.)