Yummy yummy yummy Halibut!

Sorry for the lack of pictures, but I wanted to save this somehow before I closed the window, and I need to restart my computer :) I made this halibut for family dinner on Sunday and it was AMAZING! I did end up cooking it over the stove as the grill in our complex was a little sketchy looking... but here it is!

1 lb halibut steak
4 T butter
4 T brown sugar
4 cloves garlic, minced
2 T fresh squeezed lemon juice
4 tsp lite soy sauce
1 tsp ground black pepper

In a saucepan over medium heat, add butter, brown sugar, lemon juice, soy sauce, and black pepper. Stir until sugar is completely dissolved.

Add half of the mixture to a plastic zippered storage bag and marinate fish (or meat) in it for an hour. With other half of mixture, separate 2 tablespoons into a bowl to use for drizzling once fish has been prepared. Remaining reserve will be used for basting fish while grilling.

After the fish has marinated for an hour, preheat grill to medium high. When ready, lightly oil grill. Add fish to grill and baste with sauce by brushing. Cook for 5 minutes on each side or until fish is easily flaked with a fork.

Remove from grill when done. Drizzle with sauce that was held back and serve. Delicious!

Adventures in Provo Part 2: The most epic cake ever.

One day this week I was goofing off looking at food blogs, and I found the most beautiful looking cake.http://www.theartoftwotarts.com/2010/01/21/happy-birthday-sarah-white-cake-layered-with-pastry-cream-and-a-strawberry-filling/ I showed it to my best domestic goddess friend, and soon (after a few setbacks) I was on my way to her house to make this beautiful/delicious cake.
Directions (theirs) plus pictures (mine) follow:
White cake: Suzy and I used a boxed white cake, but with the whole egg recipe so that it was a little sturdier. We did an 8" round in her super snazzy fatty cake pan (i don't even know what to call it!), but I would suggest using 9" rounds, and even 1 1/2ing the recipe to make a bigger layers (if you're going for a real, not out of the box, cake) The recipe called for 4 layers, we only did 3.

Strawberry filling.

3 cups of slice strawberries
1\4 cup granulated sugar
1\2 cup of water
1 Tbs fresh lemon juice
1 Tbs cornstarch

Directions:
Mix everything, besides 1 cup of strawberries, in a medium pot over medium heat. Let the mixture simmer for 15-20 minutes until the strawberries have melted a little and the mixture has thickened.
Turn off heat and mix in the last cup of sliced strawberries.
Transfer to a medium bowl and cover with plastic wrap. Refrigerate until cool.

Pastry cream.

2 cups of half and half
1\2 cup sugar
Pinch of salt
5 large egg yolks (you'll need the whites for the cake!)
3 Tbs Cornstarch
4 Tbs of unsalted butter, cold and cubed.
1 tsp vanilla paste (You could also use one vanilla stick or tsp a vanilla extract)
1\2 cup of whipped cream ( We do this to make the cream lighter and it seriously makes a BIG difference)

Directions
Heat the half and half, vanilla paste, 6 Tbs sugar and salt in a medium pot over medium heat until it starts to simmer.
In the meantime, whisk the egg yolks, in a medium bowl, with the remaining sugar and cornstarch for about a minute.
When the half and half mixture reaches a full simmer, pour have of if into the egg mixture bowl and whisking constantly.
Return the mixture to the pot and whisk the cream over medium heat. Let the cream thicken for about 1-2 minutes. Once the cream has thickened, turn of the heat and mix in the butter until melted.
Strain the cream through a sieve over a medium bowl. Cover the bowl in plastic wrap and press the wrap directly over the cream so that a skin will not form. Refridgerate until cold and set.
Once the cream is cold fold in the whipped cream. Use right away of refridgerate until ready to use.

Frosting
3 cups of heavy whipping cream
1\3 cup confectioners' sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract
Beat whipping cream in a stand mixer until soft peaks form. Fold in the sugar and vanilla. Continue beating until peaks are stiff.

Chocolate covered Strawberries
6 oz of semisweet chocolate, chopped
3 ounces of white chocolate, chopped
15-16 large strawberries
Put the chocolates in seperate microwave safe bowls. 

One at a time, melt the chocolate in the microwave in intervals of 30 seconds, stirring each time. Heat and stir until smooth.
Line a baking pan with parchement paper. Hold the strawberries by the stems and dip each one into the semisweet chocolate. Lift and twist the strawberries to let the excess chocolate drip off. Then place onto the parchement paper.
Dip a fork into the white chocolate and drizzle the chocolate over the dipped strawberries.
Let the chocolate set.

Place one layer of cake, cut side up, on a cake board and pipe a ring of whipped cream around the edges of the cake. This keeps the filling from oozing out!

Place half the strawberry filling in the middle and smooth it out to the edges.

Place the second layer of cake, cut side down, on top and pipe another ring of whipped cream around the edges.

Place the pastry cream in the middle and smooth it out to the edges.

Place the fresh strawberries on top of the pastry cream.

*this part we didn't do, but feel free*(Place the 3rd layer of cake, cut side up, on top and pipe another ring of whipped cream around the edges.

Place the other half of strawberry filling in the center and smooth out.)

Place the last layer of cake, cut side down, on top.

Cover the entire cake with the whipped cream.

You don't have to be perfect because all of this will get covered up!

Place the rolled wafers, alternating the flavors, around the sides of the enitre cake. 

When done, tie some ribbon around the cake to help hold the wafers in place! Place the dipped strawberries on top of the cake. The wafers will keep them from sliding of the top. (Not pictured)

Beautiful right? 

I think I'm in love. 

A cross cut:

What happens when you try to move half of it onto a different plate: (i recommend refrigeration.) 

Still tastes delicious!

Adventures in Provo Part 1: The mouse in the storage unit...

I realize that I have been a failing blogger as of late, so hopefully in the next few weeks I will be able to catch you up on what's been happening in my life. Highlights include, a dead mouse, the most amazing cake in the world, a camping trip and maybe a some pictures of my nieces (to make you jealous).
Ere, go: The dead dead mouse.
On a hot hot day in July, er, August, I went to get a load of my stuff out of the storage unit in Spanish Fork. It was my 2nd and a half trip, and I had mostly my large tupperware bins left to bring to my apartment in Provo. I grabbed the smaller items that were on the top, and in rearranging Rachel's stuff to get to mine in the far back corner I saw the following:

Sick, right? I don't do dead things. I couldn't, for the life of me make myself tough it out and retrieve the little mouse on my own. I was afraid that it might fall apart, or not be dead, or have maggots. I called my little brother, but he refused to aparate a la Harry Potter to come help me with the nasty mouse. He did offer many useful suggestions, but in the end, I just couldn't make myself do it.
So I did what any self respecting girl would do. I called a friend to call a boy to come take care of the mouse.
My amazing friend Suzy called her ex-home teacher Robert, of BYU's vocal point-it's true, the very one- (if you don't know who vocal point are see the following link: Their cool website.
 (I didn't take the time to switch the picture, so just tilt your head...)
Robert is one of my new favorite people, because he came and took care of the mouse in the storage unit in only a few minutes, and he didn't even know me! The world is full of nice people.
So there's the story.

New post coming tomorrow..

Be excited, be very excited :)

The not so short story of the end.

So, as you may have noticed, there has been a lack of blogging lately. As well as a confusing turn of events. If you are confused, join the club!
The end started on Friday when the boy flew up to Seattle to drive me back to Utah. There was something off... I wasn't sure what it was, but there was something. Then things got normal.
We had a lot of fun (even if it was a little stressful) driving to Idaho on Saturday. One of my very favorite moments was at a gas station in Spokane. It was around 11 (?) and the boy was filling the tank while I washed the bugs off the windows. This woman walked by and she almost walked by us, then turned and said "I just want you to know that Jesus loves you." We said thank you and that we knew it. Then the boy remembered that I have a stack of Pass-Along cards in my glove box. He grabbed one and ran after her. They talked for a while, (apparently about the mark of the beast; you've got to love contacting). I was so proud of him... I felt a little like I was a missionary again, even though he was the one who did the contacting.
We also went on a few detours to find a gas station (that proved elusive, but the tank lasted longer than I expected it to- what a blessing!) Through Montana it was a little stressful because the speed was down from 75 to 35 or 45 in many areas. Ugh! I do not do slow speeds for long distances while there is no work being done. By the time we rolled into the farm driveway I was tired and sore and ornery.
Sunday we had some more adventures. We went to Rexburg for church with JaMandAmeLucy at 9am, which meant we left the farm around 8. We rolled into the church building right on time, but through a series of unfortunate events we locked the keys in the car (it was a team effort). In Sunday School we got asked if we were the new family in the ward (which was a little hilarious because we'd stolen Lucy so we kind of looked like a little family). We were very clear in our intro-- different last names, and "this is james' baby" brought a chorus of "oh, I though she looked familiar". The bishop also thought he'd seen us at the volleyball game, nope, not there. It was a nice ward. Lunch afterward with James' family was great. Amelia really opened up to us once we were at her house.
Then the visiting began-- My HS best friend (and her babies), a couple from the mission (who got married and have a baby), and Megan, my favorite mission teachee :) Something changed at my HSBF's house and he said we needed to talk...
After Megan sent us off with bottles of water and banana muffins (I heart southern hospitality) we headed off to Preston, where the boy was going back to scout camp, and I was going to spend the night. On the way he was starting to fall asleep so he said I could either drive or we could pull out the big questions. So we started talking.
In the interest of keeping my personal life still slightly personal, the upshot of the conversation is that he was unsure about the level of commitment that we were at. I was so caught off guard. So I asked him what he wanted to do about it, and he said "I don't know" (my new least favorite phrase). I suggested we leave things where they are and we revisit in 2 weeks when he was done with camp and llama camping.
I spent a very confused night (after some very cold meteor shower watching which, PS: was beautiful!), and woke up at 5am. I contemplated just leaving (with out saying goodbye to anyone) but decided that was a little too dramatic for me. In retrospect, I kind of wish I had done it. That morning I felt too sick to eat, and after an awkward couple of hours I headed for Provo.
It was a sort of rough drive, I talked to my mom, blasted angry girl music, and once I hit Orem, burst into tears.
One of my roommates from the past, is a saint, and let me shower at her house and fed me lunch. Then I went to my first day at work. (Which was great, by the way). Anyway... I moved in, life was ok, but I spent a week trying to figure out what I was going to say. After a much needed trip to the temple, and lots of prayers sent heavenward, I decided on a little speech. I even practiced it on a few friends. And I called him on Friday, and then texted him on Saturday. Finally he responded, and I drove up to his house to talk to him.
We had dinner first, then, after he took a call, we went on a walk. I knew it wasn't good when he didn't reach for my hand. I went first, and gave my speech which sounded something like this: "I love you. I really do, it's not just some trite phrase. And I want to keep dating you. But I won't be an obligation, and I deserve to be committed to." That was the end of my speech. He let me give it, then didn't say much. Then he told me that He wasn't the boy to commit to me. I don't really understand why. He didn't elaborate. Whatever. When I realized that that was the end, I stood up and started walking back to the house where my car was waiting. I just wanted to go home and cry. Too bad he lives an hour from my home.
So we walked back and he asked if I was coming inside, then we hugged goodbye. Then I got in my car, got around the corner and I cried. This continued for most of the way home.
I got to Orem and realized I really needed a blessing. At that point I started flipping through my contacts looking for worthy priesthood. I tried a few before coming to an old friend who is now married. I called him, and he and his wife were super great about me coming over at almost 11:00 at night. I  just... needed for God to tell me it was going to be ok. I was going to be ok. And He did.
Then I went home to my wonderful roommate, who cried with me, and then asked if I wanted to read scriptures with her. I needed comfort that could only come from the Lord, so we read in Alma 31. In it is a beautiful prayer of Alma where he says a few times "Oh Lord, wilt thou comfort my soul in Christ". I realized that's what I needed. I didn't want the boy to come crawling back. I didn't need a big sign, I just needed my soul to be comforted, and I knew Christ was the one to do it. And He did.
So...  that's the story. I used to think that this was the kind of love I'd never recover from. But I don't really think so... I'm on to bigger and better things. And though there were many tears shed--that he won't ever know about, thank you-- I'm going to be ok. A cute boy even sat by me in Sunday School on Sunday. And I met a lot of great boys... and God loves me and wants me to be happy :)

And the I's have it............

I am
I am beautiful, I know I am. He told me, I believed him, he's gone, I still believe it.
I am lovable, I can be loved
I know that heartbreak is inevitable,
I will be with someone someday who won't break it.
Long distance is hard, the space only creates more.
I deserve a man, I will get one.
I learned that not every boy is a jerk
I learned that me and my dad are one in the same and there is NOTHING wrong with that
I learned that even if I do everything right it can still be wrong
I know that God trusts me
I am going to be ok


(Dictated by Emily, Translated by Shelly)

Why I am tired

Today I sat down and it was all I could do to get back up out of my chair and keep going. I am exhausted!
I was a little frustrated about being so tired and so I tried to remind myself why by doing some math...
In the last week alone, I have traveled:
Drive From Homer to Anchorage: about 221 miles
Flight From Anchorage to Seattle: 1449 miles
Miles I've put on my car from Seattle to Utah, moving stuff from my storage unit to my apartment, working, and seeing some old friends. about 1350 miles
Total number of miles spent in the past week (and on my butt) : 3020 miles

I deserve to be tired.

Expectation vs. Reality

This doesn't exactly fit my situation right now... but kind of... we'll see how it turns out. Also, I really LOVE this blog:

As I'm lying there, crumpled and broken from my most recent attempt at meaningless success, I feel complete bewilderment at the motivation behind what I just did. There was no point. I'm sure that the decision was based on some scrap of reasoning, but in retrospect it seems that chaos and unbridled impulsivity just collided randomly to produce a totally unexplainable action with no benefit and all consequences.

~Hyperbole and a Half; Expectations vs. Reality

Fresh starts

Well folks, I'm back! And I am super excited to be here.
I flew home from Alaska on Thursday and it broke my heart a little. The girls asked me not to leave, and Amy and I both cried. :( The drive to Anchorage and the flight were good. One of my very very best friends picked me up at the airport.
Friday was fairly uneventful. The boy flew up so he could drive down with me, and it was so exciting to see him again. Two months apart was a long time.
The drive down was long, to say the least. Montana was the longest state ever going 35 intermittently most of the way through. We left just after 6am from home and didn't get into my grandparent's house till 10:30. After almost running out of gas, and driving through traffic and a thunderstorm, We were exhausted.  Grandma Marie was waiting for us and was wonderful, as usual. Sunday morning we woke up early and went to church with James and Mandy, where we locked the keys in the car (and learned about my brother's mad B&E skills). Seeing the girls was so great! They are adorable (pictures to come). We saw my bf from high school, a couple from the mission, and a girl I taught on the mission. (I LOVE THE GIRL WE VISITED, she just made me super happy!)
The drive from Rexburg to Preston Idaho, where the boy's camp was was... not what I expected. Not at all... and really, that's all I've got to say about that for now.
I spent the night up at camp, where people were so nice to me. Girls told me how pretty I was, and bent over backwards to help me (I found out later that one of the girls in my new complex was one of the girls I met up there...) As camp started to wind down the boy and I went out to the campfire ring and we watched the meteor shower that has been going on. I didn't know there were so many stars in the sky! It was gorgeous.
I woke up early and had breakfast, chilled for a minute, then left for Provo. It was the saddest goodbye. I'm just not sure how final it was.
I made really good time to Provo, but by the time I got here, I was done. I was sick of being in the car, and really needed a shower, and emotionally... a mess. Enter Jessica, one of my old roommates who literally saved me Monday. She let me shower in her house, took me to lunch at the cannon center, then offered to let me stay the night when I didn't get off of work as early as I thought I would. She took such good care of me, and I am so thankful.
I started my new job on Monday. It was really good, I wish I hadn't been as tired as I was though. I work today too, and I'm more excited for that.
Then Yesterday, I moved into my apartment, and I feel really good about it. I got a load of stuff from storage, which I am slowly, but surely, sorting through. I went grocery shopping for the first time, and I went to dinner with a whole big group of people from the ward. Everyone was super nice! A couple of guys helped me carry some of my stuff up (luckily, we're on the 2nd not the 3rd floor, right at the top of the stairs). All in all, life is pretty good. I LOVE my apartment, and I'm excited for this fresh start, with a few friends to start out with :) Now I've got to go get ready for my second day of work, then Hanging out with Suzy!!!!!!!!!

How to impress your friends...

Here it is! The very very very best breakfast pastry ever!

Start with

1/4 c Butter
3 oz Cream Cheese
2 Cups of  Bisquick
 Cut the butter and cream cheese into the Bisquick. 

Stir in:
1/3 c Milk
Knead 10 times (and check out this super cute apron of Amy's)

Roll it out onto a cookie sheet lined with foil or parchment

Mix the filling next:
5 oz Cream cheese
1/3 c sugar
1 tsp almond extract

Then: here's the fun part! Choose your fruity filling!
I used these:

but I have also used jam, pie filling, or nothing at all (just the cream cheese)
Then set it up like this: Cut 1" strips on the outside thirds of the pastry, put the cream cheese stuff in the middle then top with your choice of filling.

Next you start braiding:

Till it looks like this:

Put it in an oven that's at 425 for 15 or so minutes. Don't over bake it... but make sure it's all the way brown, or you'll have doughy stuff in the middle (which I don't like).
And when it comes out, it might look something like this:

Then you've got to make a glaze:
1 c powdered sugar
1 tsp Almond extract
1 1/2 Tbsp water/milk
drizzle it on your slightly cooled coffee cake and it should look like this:

and as soon as you cut into it, it's likely to look a little more like this:


Seriously though, this is the best, award winning! MMmmmmmm

Here's the update...

Maybe, just maybe I was a little dramatic last night... I mean, I still feel like I have some pretty legit reasons to be upset... or frustrated... or anxious... whatever, I feel justified, but guess what. God loves me, and He wants me to be answer, He answered my prayers, and the fact of the matter is that even if there hadn't been an answer so soon, or if it had been a different answer, He would still love me and want me to be happy.

This morning I woke up to my phone vibrating. It was over before I woke up enough to answer it. But you'd better believe I hit redial right away! So, for the first time in more than a week I got to talk to the boy. And the ridiculous part is that once I heard his voice, I was done being upset, or even anxious. So, a door opened, and he's going to be able to come with me, barring some catastrophe he'll be there, probably on Friday. And we'll drive down and it will be fantastic!

Then we talked, and I guess I had an epiphany. See... the boy's sister had a baby last week on Tuesday. So I started to say something about him seeing pictures of his new niece. The funny thing is, he didn't have a clue! The baby's premature, in the NICU, etc. and nobody told him! I told his sister that I hoped I didn't blow some big secret, and she just said "Oh, I didn't know that he didn't know...". I guess nobody in his family thought of it. It explains the communication understanding that he has, versus the one I have... very different. It'll be something to figure out...

And life is good again... I'm not used to having a 3rd person have so much... influence on me. It's hard, and new, and good and.... can I just say how excited I am to be able to have time to figure this all out... time. I'm grateful for time.

Change and Uncertainty...

I think those are some of my least favorite words in the dictionary. Mostly the uncertainty word. it's so... uncertain. I was talking to my boss' husband tonight and he said "you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans." I feel like this is absolutely true and relevant in my life right now. Unfortunately right now I'm struggling with this in the big picture, and the short term one.

Short term... the next week or so is pretty up in the air. I am leaving Homer at some point, not really sure if it's Tuesday night, Wednesday night or Thursday. I do know that I have a flight out of Anchorage at 5pm on Thrusday. But I might be going to Anchorage early with Marie and Ludy, or flying in on that day, and I'm not sure if I'm working on Wednesday. See what I mean? Then once I'm home... well I found out yesterday that the boy, while he has the time off, may not be able to get to the airport to fly up to come drive down with me, so all those plans we/I made... on hold. That being said, I've been working on a potential plan B, since I won't know till Wednesday if the boy is coming. It seems that the most promising one is having my 16 year old sister drive down with me and then either hang out till the rest of my family comes down to bring Rachel, or pop her on a plane in about a week. I could always leave her in Idaho with the babies (who I get to see in a week, regardless!) or with the grandparents (but she might die of boredom). Or she could come hang with me... but I'm thinking in my contract there was a clause about overnight guests staying for too long... and I don't really want to make my roommates upset by moving in 2 of us.... you know? But, a girl's gotta do, what a girl's gotta do. This girl's just happy that she is not going to be living out of her car in Provo for 2 weeks...
PS: I am happy to report that this year I am excited to be back in Provo... last year I may or may not have cried and begged my dad not to leave me there (upon arrival on a Sunday having got little sleep the preceding two nights and seeing everyone in their Sunday best.) However, when it was time for them to actually leave, there were no hysterics.

So in the big picture... well, ok, feel free to judge me, but once there was a boy, who wrote me these sonnets, and put them online, and I always thought they were a little... silly, till my life hit a bump and one line makes a whole lot of sense. "I thought I had my life all planned and right, but enter you and everything is changed." You know all that stuff they tell single girls about how "when you stop looking you'll find love". yeah, fine, ok. It's true. The issue comes with, at this point, not being sure where things are going. And how fast they are or are not going. (not having really heard anything from the boy this week (except that he's alive and that the only thing that's certain is that he loves me (oh for cute, right?) makes it hard to judge.) I will be so very happy to be able to see him again, and to talk. Really talk. Anyway, so I had these plans of graduating (still going to happen) and then going to grad school right away (?) and growing up and being the world's best SLP, and then finding some man. But if I've found a man, that I'm rather fond of, and that fondness is reciprocated... well then, what do I do? Do you see my conundrum? He's got another year and a half of school... so I could hang out in P-town and work... or something... or... See, with all the change/uncertainty i can't do my favorite thing, PLAN!

If all those day planners they gave us in middle school and high school that said "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail" didn't do the trick, I went on a mission! Hello Planning! For a week out... and even farther than that, you knew what you'd be doing, not necessarily who with or where, but you knew the what! So, I can deal with the what, in 6 weeks I'll be in school, working my tail off intellectually, with who, well I have these fabulous roommates, who I already know, who I'll be chilling with, and Rachel will be there, and Stephanie and Jeff and we'll have 'sister dinners', and unless there is some huge drastic change or unforeseeable event I'm pretty sure that there'll be a certain boy, who when I talk to him, I smile, who makes me a little twitterpated, and who.... sigh I really like a lot. AND he'll live only like 10 blocks away! Oh Happy Day!