Registered!

This is me: registered for classes for the fall!!! ^ (one is missing, but it's a closed course that I'll have to add later). Notice something beautiful? Under the day's column, there's no Monday!!(It may be filled with work in the clinic, but no classes in that slot yet!)

In other news, some of you may have seen my facebook post about getting a graduate assistantship at ENMU. Here's the Miracle of it all:

I DIDN'T APPLY FOR THAT JOB. When I initially applied for grad school, I wasn't even sure if I wanted to go. I wrote a decent essay, filled out the application, didn't have anyone proof read anything, stuck it in an envelope and sent it off to New Mexico. It was after I sent it that I decided that I really did want to go to grad school! (Give me a little slack, it was a confusing time in my life...).

So on Friday, when the graduate program director called and offered me the Assistantship I was flabbergasted, and I knew as well as I've known anything, that God gave me that job. The assistantship won't be a lot of work, 10 hours/week. And it doesn't pay a whole lot of money, $5400 a year. But the huge perk is that it gives me in-state tuition. I was actually planning on spending a semester working really hard, then applying for one of these jobs. This will cut my tuition debt down to almost 1/3 of what out of state tuition would be. I'd been worried about money and if I would have to take out private loans to live off of. But thanks to this job, I'll be good for at least the first year.  

Now, you may wonder, as I do, what a Graduate Assistantship actually means. So I searched the school's website and found the following description:

I'm getting so excited to move forward in my life. I feel like this time in Utah has been so good for me to take time to heal, to be with the people I love and to work in a positive environment. But I'm ready to keep going. I'm ready to get some letters after my name. In 3 years-- after 2 of school and one Clinical Fellowship Year, it'll say Emily Zimmerman MS CCC-SLP. It looks pretty professional, right? I'd trust me with your speech.

A Hot Mess

Today I read a blog all about getting rid of labels. I've been meaning to write more on this blog... I just never seem to have anything to blog about that But I decided to jump on the weekly writing prompt bandwagon.
Here's the prompt: "We’re inviting posts from voices everywhere to share your labels and who you are beyond that. The focus is whatever you need it to be– from our lives as moms, dads, parents, spouses, professionals, survivors, athletes and more. We invite you to join us, to celebrate our strengths, to celebrate our diversity, to celebrate our      voices and change the conversation."

Lately, I think the label I put on myself is that of being a Mess. I feel like I'm a mess. I pull it off most of the time. I go to work, I serve in the church, I even cook once or twice a month, I shower on a regular basis, On the outside I look like I'm holding it together, and I even have myself I'm convinced I'm ok... most of the time. But then there's a hitch in my day; unexpected things happen and I lose the ability to go with the flow, I stop being able to deal with it all. For just a few minutes (or hours) I feel like the girl who's whole life is a giant mess. As of late, the first things on my long list of everything that is wrong in life (that only really pops up when I'm freaking out) stem from my label as the following:

This one is hard one for me to deal with. I want so badly to be rid of this label, even though on it's own it is just a fact. My brother is gone and it's a fact I have to live with every day. Nothing is going to bring him back, and despite the fact I know I will see him again, and that he is safe and he is ok, the remembering of it makes my heart physically ache. It is what fills my thoughts, changing my perception of who I am and how I think other see me. It's not just those words that bother me. It's the ramifications of them. It's the realizations of what he'll miss, what we'll miss. It's seeing how it's changed me and changed my family. (Not only in bad ways, but in good ways too.) It's all of it neatly summed up in one little label.

But I'm more than the girl who feels like a mess on the inside. (Despite the fact that the outside looks pretty put together most of the time.)

I am the girl who loves her family.

I'm the girl who juggles two jobs.

I am the girl who is on time.

I am the girl who, when she has time, makes amazing food.

I'm the girl who goes grocery shopping for her roommate when she has a giant paper to write.

I am the girl who is capable of conquering just about anything.

I'm the girl who has her father's voice in her head.  

I'm the girl who is proficient in the use of power tools.

I'm the girl who's great at planning.

I am the girl with the best/worst dating stories.

I'm the girl who thrives on change and new adventures (despite the trepidation that comes along)

I'm the girl who knows what she believes, lives it, and relies on it when things go wrong.

I'm the girl who's hilarious when she's on a roll, and who thinks she's hilarious when she's not.

I'm the girl who can't go more than a few days without talking to her mommy.

I'm the girl who can ask for help when she needs it, even though she hates it.

I'm the girl who still sleeps with a teddy bear, who loves her nieces more than anything and still calls her 13 year old sister baby.

I'm Emily. And no matter how hard yesterday was, I am enough. What I can do today is enough, and maybe tomorrow it'll be more, but for now, even with my cried off makeup, bags under my eyes and second day hair, I am enough.

Merciful

Today being Easter has given me cause to pause and reflect on the merciful gift that the Savior gave when he sacrificed his life on the cross and then, miraculously took it up again. I love the following quote by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland pertaining to the Atonement of Jesus Christ, which is the reason for our celebration today. 

“Brothers and sisters, one of the great consolations of this Easter season is that because Jesus walked such a long, lonely path utterly alone, we do not have to do so. His solitary journey brought great company for our little version of that path—the merciful care of our Father in Heaven, the unfailing companionship of this Beloved Son, the consummate gift of the Holy Ghost, angels in heaven family members on both sides of the veil, prophets and apostles, teachers, leaders, friends. All of these and more have been given as companions for our mortal journey because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the Restoration of His gospel. Trumpeted from the summit of Calvary is the truth that we will never be left alone nor unaided, even sometimes we may feel that we are. Truly the Redeemer of us all said: “I will not leave you comfortless: [My Father and] I will come to you [and abide with you].” 

I know that the Savior can comfort us. He has comforted me in the times of deepest sorrow, and has walked down lonely paths with me. The words of a hymn have stuck with me all day:

I marvel that he would descend from his throne divine

To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine

That he should extend his great love unto such as I

Sufficient to own, to redeem and to justify

Today the ward choir sang a verse of the song I don't think I'd ever heard. I LOVED it.

I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me

Secure in the promise of life in his victory

Thus ransomed from death I will live to my Savior's praise

And sing of his goodness and mercy through endless days