On a lighter note...

I have a date on Saturday night... and I'm pretty excited about it. It's no pressure because I know he's not interested, so it can just be fun.

Just thought I'd share happy news too!

Don't be a boob

If you decide to be unhappy keep it to yourself... I don't want you to rub off on me. I don't need to sit and listen to you be upset for hours on end. Because who ever you're complaining about will probably complain to me later about you. If your car breaks-- I'm sorry, but seriously, it's not the end of the world. Things could be worse. Like you could have cancer (like someone I know) Your family member could have been shot at Ft. Hood today. My life is far from perfect, but I'm not whining to you about it... I'm going to do something to fix it, or get over it. I might whine for a moment; I won't lie, but seriously... you being the baby of the family and being used to constant attention won't get you far with me. I was not raised that way. I'm not going to accompany you to everything that you want me to. I'm not going to bend to your every whim. I'm not that kind of girl. I will have my own life. I am going to do my best for me to be happy. Call me selfish. Whatever. I need to take care of me. I am moving out. Without you. I am finding a new ward. A new set of roommates. Older, more like me, more mature... I love you, don't get me wrong. We had fun at the beginning, but lately I've just become your sounding board. Just someone to listen to you whine about everything that you feel like is terrible in your cushy- trust-funded life.

Another one...

I apologize for the angst. But seriously. This is getting ridiculous. So there was yesterday's fiasco with the HTer. Then today this boy who my roommate likes, and who we all think is cute came over and asked her out in front of us! My whole life I've been told that I'm amazing and that there's someone special for me and to just be patient and wait for God's timing. But I sometimes wonder. Sunday our Stake President came and talked to us about preparing to be wives and mothers. What do you think I've been doing? And thanks for making me feel so much better about myself because I'm not dating at all. But if every boy we bring to the apartment goes after my perfect roommate (because unfortunately she is) then it's never going to happen. And finding him in my classes, not going to happen. there's like 3 guys.I feel so constantly like that man who brought his son to the Lord and Christ told him 'all things are possible if you believe' and he said 'Lord, I believe! ... Help thou my unbelief' I want to believe... I do, but there's always this doubt. this wondering if I'm not good enough. If I'm not worthy enough for His love, and His blessings. Much less the love of someone who's less perfect and WAY less important. you know?

Again-- apologies for the pity party.

Un-be-freaking-lieveable!

So today has been rough. I'm sick, I've had a cold for a few days that'll be the death of me. I still have a mid-term to take and I'm tired. Dad one time said that to stop me, they'd have to drive a stake into the ground and tie me to it (or something like that). I went to church today, then I had a Presidency meeting, then a visiting teaching appointment. Then I had about half hour before Malia and my Home Teachers came. (This ward is the first in a while that I've actually had Home and Visiting Teachers in). So we talked... it was good. Whatever. Then they left. I sat down to watch My Fair Lady and relax before I got ready for Family Dinner. Then I got a text from one of our Home Teachers.

"So tell me. Does your roommate Jessica like fat guys with sarcastic, sometimes inappropriate personalities?"

Seriously? Seriously? now part of if, I'll admit was that I kind of like the HT. He's funny. We have a class together. But my latest mode of dealing with men is to not get attached till they do.

Jess dates like crazy. She's super cute and busy and great. It's just hard to be the roommate all the time. I tell you. The best way to get married is to be my roommate. Seriously.

Namaste

This morning, before tossing my cookies, I went to my yoga class. At the end of the class, the teacher gave the normal salute, Namaste with hands in heart center. The teacher told us that it has many different meanings, one of which being that the Divine in me recognizes the Divine in you. I thought about that a lot. Every person we meet has a spark of the divine. Each of us are children of God, and when we recognize that in others, we give them permission to shine.

So, Namaste.

I won't be responsible for what happens...

Tonight I went on a date. I call it a date for it's structural rather than it's functional classifications. (Oh man, too much anatomy in my brain!) Structurally, it fit the 3 p's, Planned, Paired off, and Paid for. Functionally... well it was with my favorite district leader. (As we talked tonight, I felt more and more confident in that favorite DL title) Also, I'm pretty sure our conversation was CLEARLY in the friend zone, making the main topic of this blog even more hilarious.

On campus they had an event called 'acoustic explosion' in the WILK and so we went and listened to this group called the Tangleson brothers. They were really pretty good. The music was enjoyable to listen to and it was a nice ice-breaking time (you know, when you don't have to talk to who ever you're with and you can just become comfortable with them) (PS I'd only seen him once in more than a year-- he just got home in August and it was the August before that that I was transfered out of his area)*This is all probably too much information, you can skim*

So after the acoustic explosion thing was over we decided to go to some good old Baskin and Robbin's for some Ice Cream. So, this kid from my freshman ward, Andy, works there. I've been once before this semester with my roommates and Andy and I talked then. Of course he was working tonight. I ordered my kid's scoop of York Ice Cream with the sugar cone on the top and then I kind of wandered while He made his decision. I was throwing away a dirty napkin when I hear Andy telling my date that 'She's a great girl and if you don't treat her well, I won't be responsible for what happens.' He repeated this (like he often does in conversation) MULTIPLE times... oh man. I almost died! It was hilarious.

The thing is, even though we are just friends (we talked for hours after this about everything) I know that he would protect and treat me well. He would keep my secrets and not laugh at my feelings that I don't tell people. He told me one night on the mission when we were talking that he prayed for me. At the time that meant the world. Even little things he is definitely the kind of guy who takes care of people. He opened all of my doors, walked on the car-side of the street (to protect me), and stopped me from walking out in front of traffic.

I like him. When I say this I mean I want to keep being his friend.

Reunions

Since I've been home from my mission, I have been a part of many reunions, formal and informal. 9 months ago I had a reunion with my parents and siblings. In August a reunion with some of my extended family and my brother's family. Since being back at BYU I've been reunited with a plethora of friends from both before 'the mish' and from 'the mish.' Tonight I went to my first Mission reunion. It was good to see President (surprising, but what a blessing) and Sister Wallis (I knew seeing her would be great). It was a little awkward, I don't really know most of the elders and those I did have more elder friends than to hang out with me. Maryann was there though, and Katie and Tasha and Stacy and Heather. Brittany and Ashley were there too, with their elder/husbands. So I talked to each of them briefly then Katie and Tasha and Heather(+ fiancé) and Stacy(that one's a little awkward due to earlier drama) and Kevin and I went out to Joe's Crab Shack and visited. It was wonderful! When I got home I hopped on Facebook and Sister Marion asked me how the reunion was. The Logans were there, but the Marions weren't. I told her that President is planning on having a reunion every 6 months at conference time. She said that maybe she would be able to come to the next one, then asked if I knew why they weren't at this one. Then she told me that Elder Marion is home with hospice. He's not doing well. I couldn't help but cry. That man wore out his life in service to the Lord. He still was undergoing Chemo treatments when he was out on his mission. I still remember the last time I saw them, at the Sonic in Morehead City. Goodness, that will be a happy reunion some day, to see Elder Marion healthy.

So here's to reunions. The happy and sad, the past, soon to come and those that we only hope for in the distant future when time will no longer be an issue.