Fact: when I grow up I am going to have a shower with at least 5 shower heads... I'm currently house sitting for one of my professors and I am IN LOVE. She has 7 shower heads in her shower ROOM-- I swear, the shower is bigger than my whole bathroom!
The problem is that she also has a tub with jets. So I have to choose between showers and baths.
Tonight:
Bath. Then if my hair is bad I can just take a shower in the morning... I'm going to get used to this and be so sad going back to my boring normal tub/shower.
Monday, November 19, 2012
Friday, November 9, 2012
Vague
So... I'm in the middle of a scheme... (because I need a good intrigue in my life...)
But the thing is... I'm not good at the planning. I started planning on Step 1 (after it happened) and then Step 2 happened, so I named it step 2. Then I actually came up with step 3 on my own, and I'm not good at waiting. I'm pretty good at going for what I want, so this whole waiting thing isn't really my thing.
And... that's all I have to say about that.
But the thing is... I'm not good at the planning. I started planning on Step 1 (after it happened) and then Step 2 happened, so I named it step 2. Then I actually came up with step 3 on my own, and I'm not good at waiting. I'm pretty good at going for what I want, so this whole waiting thing isn't really my thing.
And... that's all I have to say about that.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Reality; served two ways.
The first day of the past 11 months has been hard for me. Every time the calendar flips its page, I remember (not like I could forget) that things are different now. And it's not even the things that are different. I am different. We are different. Yes, some things are okay (different okay, but okay none the less) but some things will never be okay.
Yesterday I had just gotten out of the shower, I had the radio on in the background, and I was just thinking about things, and I had a terrible shock of reality. See, each first, for the last 11 months, I have almost counted down to the year mark, like it was some magical number. Somehow, subconsciously, I put a year being the moment that everything would be alright. Like after a year, everything would be okay again, back to normal, the way it used to be. After a year, it won't hurt so bad. After a year it won't be such a big thing. But yesterday, I realized that there was nothing special about that year mark. All it's going to be is the start of a new counting system. First it was hours, then days, followed by weeks, then months, and soon, all too soon, the count will be in how many years since James was here with us. And I hate that. I hate that it feels like he is so far away.
Ralph Waldo Emerson said that that which we persist in doing becomes easier, not that that task itself has changed, but that our ability to do it has increased. I think grief is like that. The pain doesn't stab any more, just aches. In the days just after James' death, I remember running away to the apartment and Dad coming over and sitting on the futon and just crying because the hole that was so real and so present inside of me was too big, and too dark and the edges were too jagged for me to ever survive it. But somehow, over time, that hole hasn't shrunk, but the edges have become smoother. The darkness not as all encompassing. I've become better equipped to deal with it. The hole isn't what I see all the time any more. But it's still there.
Last month, one of the Seventy gave a beautiful talk in General Conference about the loss of his son. He said:
Yesterday I had just gotten out of the shower, I had the radio on in the background, and I was just thinking about things, and I had a terrible shock of reality. See, each first, for the last 11 months, I have almost counted down to the year mark, like it was some magical number. Somehow, subconsciously, I put a year being the moment that everything would be alright. Like after a year, everything would be okay again, back to normal, the way it used to be. After a year, it won't hurt so bad. After a year it won't be such a big thing. But yesterday, I realized that there was nothing special about that year mark. All it's going to be is the start of a new counting system. First it was hours, then days, followed by weeks, then months, and soon, all too soon, the count will be in how many years since James was here with us. And I hate that. I hate that it feels like he is so far away.
Ralph Waldo Emerson said that that which we persist in doing becomes easier, not that that task itself has changed, but that our ability to do it has increased. I think grief is like that. The pain doesn't stab any more, just aches. In the days just after James' death, I remember running away to the apartment and Dad coming over and sitting on the futon and just crying because the hole that was so real and so present inside of me was too big, and too dark and the edges were too jagged for me to ever survive it. But somehow, over time, that hole hasn't shrunk, but the edges have become smoother. The darkness not as all encompassing. I've become better equipped to deal with it. The hole isn't what I see all the time any more. But it's still there.
Last month, one of the Seventy gave a beautiful talk in General Conference about the loss of his son. He said:
Tyson has remained a very integral part of our family. Through the years it has been wonderful to see the mercy and kindness of a loving Father in Heaven, who has allowed our family to feel in very tangible ways the influence of Tyson. I testify that the veil is thin. The same feelings of loyalty, love, and family unity don’t end as our loved ones pass to the other side; instead, those feelings are intensified.He concludes with my favorite quote from Preach My Gospel (the missionary guide) The last sentence of which currently resides on my wall.
Sometimes people will ask, “How long did it take you to get over it?” The truth is, you will never completely get over it until you are together once again with your departed loved ones. I will never have a fullness of joy until we are reunited in the morning of the First Resurrection.
“as we rely on the Atonement of Jesus Christ, He can help us endure our trials, sicknesses, and pain. We can be filled with joy, peace, and consolation. All that is unfair about life can be made right through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.”I know that this is reality. God keeps his promises, and we are promised a fullness of joy. If not here, then after, when we are reunited, when our tears are wiped away, when all is made right.
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Dear Boys, pt 2
Dear only boy over 23 in my ward,
It is NOT THAT HARD to work the fact that you have a girlfriend into our conversations. ESPECIALLY when you're introducing me to her. And ESPECIALLY when she's come all the way from Utah to middle of nowhere Portales to see you. Also, it'd be nice if you'd hold her hand.
If you were my boyfriend (which you'll never be), I would be so mad at you right now.
Love,
Boys ought to just wear a sign.
------------------------------------------
Dear Truck Driver Boy,
I'm sorry. but from the moment I met you, I friend zoned you. I couldn't help it. It's just never gonna happen.
Love (in a friendly sort of way...)
Emily
-----------------------------------------
Dear 20 year old boy,
It's too bad you're only 20, or it's too bad I'm older than that, because if you were say... 24, I would totally date you.
Love (let's be friends),
Not a cougar.
-----------------------------------------
Dear Boy who broke my heart two years ago,
Good thing we didn't get married... I'm a Zimmerman, and I can't have babies that aren't adorable... and I'm a jerk, but your baby just isn't that cute.
Yup- I'm a jerk.
Love,
Bullet Dodged
It is NOT THAT HARD to work the fact that you have a girlfriend into our conversations. ESPECIALLY when you're introducing me to her. And ESPECIALLY when she's come all the way from Utah to middle of nowhere Portales to see you. Also, it'd be nice if you'd hold her hand.
If you were my boyfriend (which you'll never be), I would be so mad at you right now.
Love,
Boys ought to just wear a sign.
------------------------------------------
Dear Truck Driver Boy,
I'm sorry. but from the moment I met you, I friend zoned you. I couldn't help it. It's just never gonna happen.
Love (in a friendly sort of way...)
Emily
-----------------------------------------
Dear 20 year old boy,
It's too bad you're only 20, or it's too bad I'm older than that, because if you were say... 24, I would totally date you.
Love (let's be friends),
Not a cougar.
-----------------------------------------
Dear Boy who broke my heart two years ago,
Good thing we didn't get married... I'm a Zimmerman, and I can't have babies that aren't adorable... and I'm a jerk, but your baby just isn't that cute.
Yup- I'm a jerk.
Love,
Bullet Dodged
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
The best 15 minutes of my day
Today the sister missionaries came over to visit me. (They're pretty much my BFF's these days...) They, and I are busy tomorrow, (for international chocolate cupcake day), and so I had them come get their cupcakes today. Anyway... Sister Peterson (who I <3 and="and" attribute="attribute" can="can" evening.="evening." happier="happier" honestly="honestly" i="i" less="less" my="my" nbsp="nbsp" p="p" probably="probably" said="said" seemed="seemed" stressed="stressed" that="that" to="to" today="today">
See, today I was stressed. School is rough, I have a lot on my mind, etc. etc. etc. But the most frustring part about today was that despite being in bed at 10:30 last night, I tossed and turned for probably two hours. During that time I had to be on vocal rest and fasting because I helped a girl with her voice study this morning before class. To top it all off, the stress in my shoulders/upper back had all compounded and I had a killer migraine that Excedrin just barely took the edge off of. I realized I have got to figure out how to stop carrying all my stress in my shoulders or something because I felt like I wanted to die a little.
So on my way out of institute, I stopped one of the guys who lives in town who is a sports medicine trainer (?) or something like that. But he has a background in Massage Therapy. I asked him what I could do to stop the stress build up in my shoulders, and he sat me down in a chair and got rid of it for me with some super painful pressure points and some stretching. NEW BEST FRIEND. The harder he pinched my muscles, the less my head hurt. Miracle of Miracles! Typically it would probably be weird to have a fairly strange (as in unknown) guy in my ward invade my bubble, but oh my gosh. I feel so much better. Also, he's a really nice guy, just moved here for a job from Utah... He told me to stretch and ice and hit him up every now and again and he'd take care of it for me.
He's definitely on the list for a chocolate cupcake tomorrow. :)
See, today I was stressed. School is rough, I have a lot on my mind, etc. etc. etc. But the most frustring part about today was that despite being in bed at 10:30 last night, I tossed and turned for probably two hours. During that time I had to be on vocal rest and fasting because I helped a girl with her voice study this morning before class. To top it all off, the stress in my shoulders/upper back had all compounded and I had a killer migraine that Excedrin just barely took the edge off of. I realized I have got to figure out how to stop carrying all my stress in my shoulders or something because I felt like I wanted to die a little.
So on my way out of institute, I stopped one of the guys who lives in town who is a sports medicine trainer (?) or something like that. But he has a background in Massage Therapy. I asked him what I could do to stop the stress build up in my shoulders, and he sat me down in a chair and got rid of it for me with some super painful pressure points and some stretching. NEW BEST FRIEND. The harder he pinched my muscles, the less my head hurt. Miracle of Miracles! Typically it would probably be weird to have a fairly strange (as in unknown) guy in my ward invade my bubble, but oh my gosh. I feel so much better. Also, he's a really nice guy, just moved here for a job from Utah... He told me to stretch and ice and hit him up every now and again and he'd take care of it for me.
He's definitely on the list for a chocolate cupcake tomorrow. :)
Monday, October 15, 2012
Champion
Tomorrow the first draft of my major research project (read: thesis) proposal and literature review is due. Needless to say there is a vast stressful feeling buzzing around the Speechies at this point in time. Facebook is filled with pictures like this:
and statuses like this:
"The lit review is due tomorrow by 5!!! just got the email back from swift :)"
and this:
"Still doing homework yet I have the original Friday the 13th on in the background, can anyone name the original killer in the first movie"
and this:
" I usually do things in order but I can't stand thinking about swifts material anymore for today"
But my favorite is the following:
It's on my wall now, and I'm ready to be a champion! (Tomorrow... after I finish this lit review... ugh!)
"The lit review is due tomorrow by 5!!! just got the email back from swift :)"
and this:
"Still doing homework yet I have the original Friday the 13th on in the background, can anyone name the original killer in the first movie"
and this:
" I usually do things in order but I can't stand thinking about swifts material anymore for today"
But my favorite is the following:
It's on my wall now, and I'm ready to be a champion! (Tomorrow... after I finish this lit review... ugh!)
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Grad. School. Fail.
The good news: I did better on this quiz than on my last one by 60 points!
The bad news: I didn't realize the last quiz was due on Monday.
gahhhhhh
(in my defense, our quizzes are ALWAYS due Wednesdays, but that one was due on a Monday. It was a surprise attack).
Gradscgiik us bit fyb,,,
**Grad school is not fun** (that's what was supposed to be typed, but I am exhausted, and bugged by life.)
But look at this
The bad news: I didn't realize the last quiz was due on Monday.
gahhhhhh
(in my defense, our quizzes are ALWAYS due Wednesdays, but that one was due on a Monday. It was a surprise attack).
Gradscgiik us bit fyb,,,
**Grad school is not fun** (that's what was supposed to be typed, but I am exhausted, and bugged by life.)
But look at this
i kind of love his face... try not to laugh... via dog-shaming.com... LOVE IT!
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