The fear of committment

Today I was going through my phone and I found a picture I had taken of a Starbucks cup. It's likely because I grew up in Seattle, but there is just something comforting about having that warm cup of goodness (be it a steamer, a hot cocoa or a caramel apple cider) in my hands. Last summer I got a steamer (which really happens very rarely, I promise) and the cup was pretty inspirational. It was about fully committing oneself to anything.

THE IRONY OF COMMITMENT IS THAT IT'S DEEPLY LIBERATING - IN WORK, IN PLAY, IN LOVE. THE ACT FREES YOU FROM THE TYRANNY OF YOUR INTERNAL CRITIC, FROM THE FEAR THAT LIKES TO DRESS ITSELF UP AND PARADE AROUND AS RATIONAL HESITATION. TO COMMIT IS TO REMOVE YOUR HEAD AS THE BARRIER TO YOUR LIFE - ANNE MORRIS

I remember thinking a lot about it when I first saw the cup, but now, probably a year later, it still strikes a chord with me. Sometimes, I am a terrible follow through. Example: I love folding laundry but hate putting it away, I love cooking but hate cleaning up afterwards. Do you know how many times I've decided to get healthy... ?hahaha. Sometimes I last a few months. Sometimes I last only till mom makes cookies. Sometimes the resolve only lasts till I can talk myself out of what I'd spent hours talking myself into.

So I'm going to commit to committing.

I started on Monday. I won't lie, there is some motivation, having a boy, to be more healthy. But I'm tired of not feeling good about myself. I, for the record, and pretty fantastic (and humble too), but seriously, I could be even better (hard to believe I know!). Other factors include the fact that I struggled with depression all winter long and the Dr's told me that exercise could have the same effect as drugs if i was consistent (and I don't want to do the drug thing). Because we all know, exercise gives you endorphines, endorphines make you happy, and happy people just don't shoot their (insert important person here) they just don't! So I looked at what has kept me from exercising before. Mostly I think I bite off more than I can chew. I think that it all sounds fine and dandy, but on the first rainy day, I'm out. No more. I found this awesome workout plan called  "from couch to 5k" that I started this week. all it takes is 30-ish minutes 3x a week, and it starts off slow with walking/running intervals, then builds over 9 weeks till you can run a 5k. Sweet huh? I also found podcasts to download that tell me what I should be doing when (because if I had to look at a stop watch, let's be honest, it would have happened once.). They include great music. My personal favorite is one song that includes the idea that what doesn't kill me, will only make me stronger. Talk about motivation.

I'm also committing to other things. The boy, committing to just letting myself feel the way I feel, and not questioning it 90 times a day. And to my religion. I've got to work on my PRPs (personal religious practices). Consistency. It's all about consistency, and removing my head as the barrier to my life.