One of THOSE days...

(Rachel: I broke it up into paragraphs, just for you!)

This morning I woke up after less than my required 8 hours of sleep, and couldn't find my work shirt. I work at Adventure Kids Playcare, where everything is bright and happy and upbeat, and the shirts are bright yellow. I worked 6 days last week (and luckily got a second shirt), but bright yellow kind of makes me want to hurl about now. I looked all over the apartment for the cleaner of my two shirts (one of them currently smells like spray-n-wash in preparation of tomorrow's washing). The shirt was nowhere to be seen! It made me even want to call in and tell them I wasn't coming because I couldn't find my shirt. (Which, I would never do. I think my mission president's wife said it best when she said you should go work unless you were "bleeding out your eyeballs." I LOVE that woman!) Anyway, so I finally retraced my steps found the missing shirt in my sister's room at the big house, and donned it, covering it quickly with a sweatshirt in order to block out some of the neon rays it was sending out. Work was actually pretty great today. Really slow, only a few kids, but it went really fast, and Alice was there, she's the 8 week old baby, and I love her!

I guess I've just been in a funk. I worked lots of hours last week, which was really fantastic, but it was every day, and I was so tired by the end of it all. See, I never really recuperated from the boy's visit.(Don't worry, I'm off tomorrow!)

 Yesterday I went to the single's ward with Amanda, who's home for the week (which, PS made me VERY happy that I'm am attending my family ward). Then I went with Amanda to our friend Laura's graduation party. Laura just graduated with her doctorate in Physical Therapy. Yup, she's almost 25 and has a doctorate in PT.  And I was there with Amanda, who just finished her first year of Law School. I felt like such a slacker/ underachiever. I'm STILL working on my bachelor's degree (working very hard and ALMOST finished), but still feeling behind.

And then I look at other parts of my life, and I feel behind in those too. Recently dad has said a couple of times recently something about how I'm behind and I've got to get married and have babies, and I know he's joking, but I've spent the last 5 years trying to convince myself that I'm fine and not in a big rush.... ugh!

Rationally, I know I'm not slacking or short, I work hard, I'm moving forward, I'm making myself a quality person, I've done other, good things. But this of all mornings was just a stay in bed kind of morning. Except, grow-ups don't get to do that. We put our big girl panty's on and go to work. If I could go back and tell my 5 year old self something, it would be "STAY IN BED WHILE YOU CAN!" (Ok, probably not, but in the moment, sure).

Then there's the boy... I was so sad all last week because he didn't call. And I was frustrate with myself for being upset that he wasn't calling. (He didn't call before his visit, he's just not a caller, it's not in his nature, and I'm not just making excuses, he warned me of this before leaving Provo), but I just wanted him to call, and I didn't want to come off as clingy or needy because I called him. (please note here that I'm a little hormonal and prone to crazy.) Anyway, so last night on my way home from Amanda's, he called, and we talked till almost 2 my time. (three his, crazy boy). But the thing is... I just felt like it was singularly unimportant talking. Nothing bad... just talk, which, I suppose is important, but... I just, HATE LONG DISTANCE!. That's what it comes down to. I hate it. It makes me question everything and analyze things that wouldn't be a problem if we lived in the same state/region/time zone. And I know... this too shall pass, and it'll be way better when we're back in Provo, but I don't want to feel crazy all summer, you know?

And so... I'm sorry for the list of the crazy in my life. I promise, I'll come up with something fantastic for Thankful Thursday this week!