Change and Uncertainty...

I think those are some of my least favorite words in the dictionary. Mostly the uncertainty word. it's so... uncertain. I was talking to my boss' husband tonight and he said "you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans." I feel like this is absolutely true and relevant in my life right now. Unfortunately right now I'm struggling with this in the big picture, and the short term one.

Short term... the next week or so is pretty up in the air. I am leaving Homer at some point, not really sure if it's Tuesday night, Wednesday night or Thursday. I do know that I have a flight out of Anchorage at 5pm on Thrusday. But I might be going to Anchorage early with Marie and Ludy, or flying in on that day, and I'm not sure if I'm working on Wednesday. See what I mean? Then once I'm home... well I found out yesterday that the boy, while he has the time off, may not be able to get to the airport to fly up to come drive down with me, so all those plans we/I made... on hold. That being said, I've been working on a potential plan B, since I won't know till Wednesday if the boy is coming. It seems that the most promising one is having my 16 year old sister drive down with me and then either hang out till the rest of my family comes down to bring Rachel, or pop her on a plane in about a week. I could always leave her in Idaho with the babies (who I get to see in a week, regardless!) or with the grandparents (but she might die of boredom). Or she could come hang with me... but I'm thinking in my contract there was a clause about overnight guests staying for too long... and I don't really want to make my roommates upset by moving in 2 of us.... you know? But, a girl's gotta do, what a girl's gotta do. This girl's just happy that she is not going to be living out of her car in Provo for 2 weeks...
PS: I am happy to report that this year I am excited to be back in Provo... last year I may or may not have cried and begged my dad not to leave me there (upon arrival on a Sunday having got little sleep the preceding two nights and seeing everyone in their Sunday best.) However, when it was time for them to actually leave, there were no hysterics.

So in the big picture... well, ok, feel free to judge me, but once there was a boy, who wrote me these sonnets, and put them online, and I always thought they were a little... silly, till my life hit a bump and one line makes a whole lot of sense. "I thought I had my life all planned and right, but enter you and everything is changed." You know all that stuff they tell single girls about how "when you stop looking you'll find love". yeah, fine, ok. It's true. The issue comes with, at this point, not being sure where things are going. And how fast they are or are not going. (not having really heard anything from the boy this week (except that he's alive and that the only thing that's certain is that he loves me (oh for cute, right?) makes it hard to judge.) I will be so very happy to be able to see him again, and to talk. Really talk. Anyway, so I had these plans of graduating (still going to happen) and then going to grad school right away (?) and growing up and being the world's best SLP, and then finding some man. But if I've found a man, that I'm rather fond of, and that fondness is reciprocated... well then, what do I do? Do you see my conundrum? He's got another year and a half of school... so I could hang out in P-town and work... or something... or... See, with all the change/uncertainty i can't do my favorite thing, PLAN!

If all those day planners they gave us in middle school and high school that said "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail" didn't do the trick, I went on a mission! Hello Planning! For a week out... and even farther than that, you knew what you'd be doing, not necessarily who with or where, but you knew the what! So, I can deal with the what, in 6 weeks I'll be in school, working my tail off intellectually, with who, well I have these fabulous roommates, who I already know, who I'll be chilling with, and Rachel will be there, and Stephanie and Jeff and we'll have 'sister dinners', and unless there is some huge drastic change or unforeseeable event I'm pretty sure that there'll be a certain boy, who when I talk to him, I smile, who makes me a little twitterpated, and who.... sigh I really like a lot. AND he'll live only like 10 blocks away! Oh Happy Day!