Dealing

It's dumb that I'm this upset. This shaken.

I should have realized that in my profession I might run into this. I guess I just didn't.

See, I was just taking a midterm for my AAC class. (Augmentative and Alternative Communication) I like to think it's all about helping kids with out language use little pictures to get their needs across. Or helping people with life altering diagnosis continue to be able to communicate with those they love. Or fun aps on the iPad. But not always.

The question was about a TBI patient, Mr. Bond who had right hemisphere self inflicted gunshot wound. And I didn't care what the rest of the question said... (I mean, ultimately I answered the question... it was a test). But it just...rattled me.

Usually I handle the reality of James' death. I re-remember he's gone almost daily. Sometimes it's 3 in the afternoon and I think "huh, this is the first time all day I've remembered that my brother is gone" And I know it's been more than 2 years. But sometimes, like today, in the middle of a midterm, the reality slaps me in the face. So I sit and have a good cry, knowing that if the professor (who is a kind woman) knew that her test question upset me she would feel bad. And I wonder if I should tell her. I probably won't, since it will only make her feel bad.

And I wonder if I'll ever have a client like that. It's not unlikely if I ever work in a TBI unit, or even in a skilled nursing facility.

And I wonder if I'll be able to deal.