Manna

Last night I set a text to Dr. Swift: "Didn't get Utah internship. Stress level: Orange."

It's not that I feel rejected (I really don't; it wasn't personal), or that I'm worried about if I'll find a placement (I'm sure I will), I'm mostly worried because I have 49 days till graduation, which means 51 days till Betsy is all packed up and I'm driving... somewhere. Yeah. How exciting is that? I'll be at that illusive somewhere, (insert oo's and aaah's now).

In the next 15 days I have a GIANT portfolio to finish up and I will present my student research project (read: thesis) at the student research conference for the entire university (and for a grade), where they have judges specifically selected to ask you questions you hadn't thought about, and to make you cry. Oh, and that reunion that I'm supposed to plan because I was prideful and wanted to be the senior class president 10 years ago... yeah, that has to be mostly planned this month so the reunion company can do all the work for me.

Following that experience I have a couple of classes to finish up, practicum three full days a week (I've had 2 patients die in the past 3 weeks), and my house to sell off or pack into Betsy. Then off to somewhere. 

But I'm only kind of freaking out. There was the initial, dramatic "I'm never going to get an internship, I'll drop out of grad school and DIE." But a conversation I had a couple of days ago with one of my classmates has made me feel so much better. She told me that she tries to operate on the "Manna Principle."

When the Israelites were fleeing Egypt and they were hungry, the Lord sent Manna, a sweet bread. And he sent just enough for the day. If they took too much, it spoiled. He provided something that was good and sweet and good for them. He created a security for them, they knew that in the morning, Manna would come. And if they forgot, and tried to horde it, the worms came.

Now, I'm not saying it's the morning of the day I'm driving out of Portales, but I feel like it's getting close. That being said, I'm finding a way to have faith that my 'Manna" will come on the morning it is supposed to.

Dr. Swift texted me back at 1am (luckily I was still awake). She was SHOCKED that I didn't get the internship, then reminded me that she KNEW there was something better for me.

The past two years haven't been awesome times of faith for me. I've found myself doubting or being ambivalent more often than I've reached deep and found faith. But today, I'm reaching deep, and I'm borrowing from Dr. Swift, and my praying mother, and the wonderful woman in the program who taught me the manna principle.

Deuteronomy 8:16 Who fed thee in the wilderness with ^amanna, which thy fathers knew not, that he might humble thee, and that he might ^bprove thee, to do thee good at thy latter end;