Sunday Blogging: Other people's expectations

I'm not sure I'll keep it up, but the feeling has hit to blog again... I think there are just a few of you who read this on a regular basis (Mom!) but I'm going to try to blog on a more regular basis, perhaps on Sunday nights...

I've been feeling stressed lately about my relationship. EXTERNALLY stressed. Quite frankly, I am pretty content with the state of my relationship. Justin and I have been dating for seven months tomorrow and we are "just" still dating. He moved in June to the town 20 miles north of here and we see each other 3-4 times a week, (I go up twice, and he comes down once or twice). It is a comfortable routine, and I still get a little giddy to see him. He is often the calm in my hectic life. And we talk about getting married, we talk about marriage and our hypothetical life together, but there just aren't solid plans.

I suppose part of the LDS culture includes the expectation of "ring by spring." At the BYU, if you've been dating for a semester, there must be a reason if there's not a ring on it!

I'm not at BYU anymore. I'm happily pursuing my masters degree in the armpit of America. (smelly and always hot, but not all together unpleasant with the appropriate treatment (deodorant for armpits, and a boyfriend for Portales!) But I digress...

I guess the "ring by spring" philosophy isn't just a Utah thing. There has been increasing external pressure about my relationship. Not from my family (you are all wonderful, thank you) but from people at church. The following are actual quotes from TODAY at stake conference:

Member of our bishopric: "How are you, Justin? It's good to see you two. How are you doing? (gesturing at the two of us)"

Member of the STAKE PRESIDENCY: "Are you engaged yet? (I show him my naked third finger) Justin, you've found her; now you just have to marry her."

And last week when I was Skyping with Justin's mom in Equador (just me):

"Emily, can you tell me anything else about the nature of your relationship? We just love you and we want you to be a part of our family, and we couldn't be happier that Justin has found you.... (insert all the nice things you could say about/to a girl your son is dating here)"

Her effusive compliments made me feel a little uncomfortable, I wish I could tell her that I love her son, but that the ball's in his court, and pushing him won't make anything move quicker. There is also a part of me that wonders if she just wants an excuse to come back to the states, which she can only do for weddings and funerals of immediate family, and since Justin's little sister is on a mission, it's up to us to get her back to the states.

And Thursday with Justin's mom (with Justin there):

"What is the nature of your relationship?" *Justin shrugs* "Justin, you know Emily's leaving in May, right?"

I don't know how to tell people that we're good where we are for now. I'm in the middle of school, yes, I would plan a wedding if it was right, but it would be so much stress. I'd rather not while I am in school. I just know that he'll do it in his own time, and when he's ready. I'm not going to rush him, and I don't think it's going to kill either of us to wait a bit.

So I suppose I am thankful that my stress is external and not internal, because I can just shrug and smile at all the questions. It's harder to shrug at oneself.

And maybe, just maybe there will be a ring by spring this year... but we'll see.