What I want the young women to know about modesty.

Today I left church angry. So very angry, because of something that had been said in our young women's lesson. As part of the lesson, we talked about modesty. One of the girls said something about if you don't dress modestly you could get raped. I loudly disagreed with that statement, and one of the other leaders said:

"I don't care what the feminists say; if you dress like that [immodestly], a bad man could get the wrong idea and you might get raped"

Call me a feminist, but what you're telling these girls is "if you dress immodestly, it's your fault if you get raped." You are scaring them into obedience, which is the worst reason to be obedient. Yes, you should dress modestly, but had there been time (we had already gone over, which is likely why the above statement was made without further discussion) here's what I wish I had could have taught the girls about why they should dress modestly:

When you dress modestly, you are showing that you respect yourself. You understand that you are not just an object, valued only for looking good, but that you have inherent worth, "you are a daughter of Heavenly Father who loves you."

When you dress modestly, and show that you respect yourself, you help ensure that other people will also treat you with the respect you show yourself.

When you are dressed modestly you are more comfortable. You don't have to be embarrassed when your bishop, or young women's leader show up in an unexpected setting. You're not constantly pulling your shirt up or tugging your shorts/skirt down.

When you dress modestly, your behavior will follow  You should dress for the kind of behavior you want to display. When you dress immodestly, it is like putting on a costume, you will behave in a way that someone who dresses immodestly would behave. Dressing modestly will likely lead to modest actions.

And yes, when you dress modestly, those who may have had inappropriate thoughts, are less likely to have them about you based on your clothing... but that's no guarantee that their thoughts will stay pure. Frankly, that's not in your control or your responsibility. Men  should be expected to be gentlemen, and not animals, unable to control themselves. Yes, you can help, but that is not your prime directive.

Bottom line. Immodesty is no excuse for rape. Be modest because you respect yourself, be modest because you love Jesus, be modest because your body is a gift, that was paid for by someone who loves you infinitely. That should be reason enough to treat it well, not because you are scared of being raped.