7

After 17 months of grad school I got on a scale and realized that I have gained 30. Yes THIRTY pounds. My clothes had stopped fitting, I was feeling physically yucky, and (finally) realized something had to change. It's been nearly 2 years since I worried much about my weight. This was freeing. I learned to love myself. Seriously, I know it sounds cheesy, but I decided I was ok, and that my weight had little bearing on how I felt about myself. I baked A LOT. It's stress relieving. But... I realized I had delved past "overweight" and into "obese" and this is not alright. 

Step 1: I gave up soda. I'd tried to give up soda in the past and 'only have it for special occasions' but I'm not really good with that kind of moderation. All of the sudden EVERYTHING becomes a "special occasion." So as of January 1, 2014, I do not drink soda. Sometimes, like yesterday, it's hard. I hadn't slept well and I wanted nothing more than a refreshing Dr. Pepper. But I drank my water and sucked it up. I've noticed I'm less physically stressed, and I am sleeping WAY better than I was before. So that's been good, and not that hard. I cut WAY back on soda while I was home for Christmas (I bought a 6 pack and left 2 at home after 12 days). 

Step 2: I decided to follow the weight watchers plan. I didn't want to count calories, and upon searching for "best diet" WW had the best reviews for long term weight loss. I found a free app for my ipad and one for my smart-ish phone (It's a Window's 8 phone, but I don't have a data plan; however, I have access to wifi nearly everywhere I go, so it's NBD... but I digress). So I downloaded my apps, and did some meal planning and away I went. I really have done pretty well. No big binges. I've tracked nearly everything I've eaten. I've eaten breakfast, and upped my fruit/veggie intake. And I drink a LOT of water... which means I am working again on my bladder of steel upgrade because at the Nursing Home I don't have a lot of down time to run to the restroom.

So after a week of being really good and on top of things, I wasn't feeling deprived, or sad, or skinnier... (I know, after one week...) But when I got on the scale there had been a SEVEN pound difference. I lost the weight of my mom's little dog  (sans life jacket). 

So that was Sunday, and it provided the motivation I need to keep on going. My initial goal is 25 lbs. But then probably another 25-30 after that, but baby steps.  

Once upon my life in 2013

Overall 2013 was a terrible year for blogging! I didn't keep up, maybe because by the time I got home at night (usually after 11) I was exhausted and wanted nothing less than to spend MORE time in front of the migraine inducing glare of the computer. But, for history's sake, here's a quick overview of my year:

January: I rang in the new year with my dear friend Amanda, her fiance and their families, then boarded a plane back to po-dunk New Mexico, and I'd never been happier to be back. I began my second semester of Grad School, also the beginning of the "Year of Swift" the year when I had two classes from the hardest teacher in the department EVERY SEMESTER! Also, I celebrated 6 months of being on a mission with this girl (Sister Peterson) who I LOVE!

Also, it's the only picture from January that I can find! 

February: I got myself a boyfriend (Justin) THE WEEKEND BEFORE VALENTINES DAY! I do not recommend the stress of that! I also met his parents, with 30 minutes notice. I also went to this baby shower with the CDIS girls:

L-R: Andrea, Brissa, Heather, Anna, Me, Alicia, ? Rachael, Alise, Reagan

March: Celebrated my first spring break of my college career by going to Utah. I slept on 4 different couches, and determined that I was too old to sleep on a couch for any length of time! The highlight of the trip was going to a Flogging Molly concert with Shelly.

Because who wears pearls to a Flogging Molly concert... ? 

April: By this point, it's all kind of a blur. Late nights with the boyfriend (who would pick me up religiously at 6:00), I about had a breakdown from the stress of it all, and also had my first client in the clinic bite me! The CDIS girls also had a birthday dinner for me at Vines here in town, and the boys made me a birthday cake too.

Me with Lauren, Dara, Brittney and Emmily in the background. 

May: Most of May I was out of school and relished in the time to sleep! My phone died just in time for finals week, and I accidentally booked my flight home for Tuesday and thought it was for Wednesday, so I totally missed my flight! I actually cried, but it was all ok, Southwest didn't charge me for my missed flight and I ended up being home for a week, rather than two, which was probably good. While I was home I went shopping with Mom for YW camp... or because we were trying to save the world with condiments...

again... the only picture I can find from May!

June: Summer classes started and it was a whirlwind of activity. I helped a family in the ward plant their huge garden and kept occupied with those two Swift classes. I was in class for 5 hours, two days a week with the same teacher. One of the classes required that I care for a baby for the entirety of the class.  I also went to a wedding that had THIS cake:

Yes, it was a Duck Dynasty themed wedding. 

My baby, Seth "Stormageddon"

July: Brought more of the same, and boy was it hot! My poor little un-air conditioned Betsy did not like the heat! And then it rained and this happened all over town:

August: Again most of the month was spent off of school. I spent a good time making cupcakes to bribe people to do my research project (kind of like a thesis). School started again in late August, as did car troubles. Luckily, I met a nice man at Walmart who is somewhat of a Volvo enthusiast, he did repairs on my car for a super good price, and I learned more than I ever wanted to know about Volvos.

September: I spent a lot of time in Clovis as my practicum placement was with MECA, an early intervention program. I learned I get numb-bum sitting on people's floors, and I like doing therapy when the parents aren't there so I can be a little more mean  stern. Also, I got myself volunteered to being in charge of the program's Homecoming float with my idea "Angry Birds of Paradise" I made 25 angry bird masks, which got us "most clever" and the first win for the CDIS program EVER.

This is "my" trophy... I'm pretty proud of it. 

October: I went to NMSHA for the second year in a row with the program, this year, presenting some of the posters for the research poster sessions. I also got nearly deathly ill and survived on cough drops and Tylenol Cold. At the end of the month I made nearly 100 cupcakes for the Halloween Carnival at the clinic. Also I went with Matt and Shayna to the Portales Peanut Festival. Yes, we know how to party. This guy almost gave me a heart attack:

November: Amid the craziness of school wrapping up, I made a delicious Thanksgiving feast, seriously, delicious, for me, Matt, Justin and a couple of friends from the program. I also went to Fort Stanton with Lauren for my dear friend Dara's wedding. This picture was taken when we were off roading (following a GPS) we ALMOST missed the wedding (10 more minutes and we would have!). 

December: School wrapped up in early December, I passed all my classes (thank goodness) and I mad these adorable cupcakes for a friend's daughter's birthday. Then I got on a plane and went home for 2 weeks! It was glorious, I <3 and="" any="" around="" best.="" but="" city="" completing="" eve="" ever.="" family="" flew="" from="" globe="" home...="" i="" in="" into="" lake.="" lake="" m="" me="" mucho.="" my="" nbsp="" new="" night="" not="" on="" p="" park="" picked="" pictures="" s.="" s="" salt="" shelly="" spent="" sure="" the="" took="" traditions="" up="" we="" were="" when="" year="">

Shelly, Jillian, Me, Stephanie, McKenzie and Best Photo Bomber ever!

The year was good to me. I was happier with myself and where I am at than I ever have been before. Here's to an even better 2014, with lots of changes! 

"Regular Turkey"

This year I wound up with two turkeys to cook... this means that I get to try TWO different recipes! While I was looking up a recipe for my second turkey (which I'll cook on Sunday..., so my first turkey...?) Anyway... as I search food network.com for something delicious, Justin says "why don't you just make a regular turkey?" He said it 3 or 4 times before I asked him what a "regular turkey" was...

Regular Turkey: noun, a turkey that is just put in the oven without any seasonings and roasted for the prescribed amount of time.

NO WAY!

WHO DOES HE THINK I AM!?!

Burnt cookies

Today I burnt a batch of cookies. Not just any cookies, but mom's amazing molasses cookies. They are full of love and fall-y goodness, and I burnt them. And I was pretty upset. With all the things I can't control in my life, I really enjoy dominating in the kitchen. And the burnt cookies were really at the end of a migraine inducing long, hard, stressful day.

As I was putting the cookies on a cooling rack to prevent further burning by leaving them in the cookie sheet, the following conversation ensued:

Emily: I burnt the cookies. I hate burning cookies.
Justin: But you're good at what you do.
Emily: Somedays.... (Sigh)
Justin: Days like today.

I am really grateful for a boy who takes care of/puts up with me on my bad days. It's not all smooth waters, and I not entirely sure what's going to happen down the line, but for this season of my life I'm a pretty lucky girl to have him.

No Pressure...

In a continuance of last week's post, the following conversation ensued:

"Not to pressure you or anything, but I can only come back to the states if someone gets married or dies. Tatiana is out of the question for 18 months old, and I want to get back there before next fall. I'd rather someone didn't die."

Oh Blanca.

Have I mentioned that I really like this woman?

I do, and her son.

Sunday Blogging: Other people's expectations

I'm not sure I'll keep it up, but the feeling has hit to blog again... I think there are just a few of you who read this on a regular basis (Mom!) but I'm going to try to blog on a more regular basis, perhaps on Sunday nights...

I've been feeling stressed lately about my relationship. EXTERNALLY stressed. Quite frankly, I am pretty content with the state of my relationship. Justin and I have been dating for seven months tomorrow and we are "just" still dating. He moved in June to the town 20 miles north of here and we see each other 3-4 times a week, (I go up twice, and he comes down once or twice). It is a comfortable routine, and I still get a little giddy to see him. He is often the calm in my hectic life. And we talk about getting married, we talk about marriage and our hypothetical life together, but there just aren't solid plans.

I suppose part of the LDS culture includes the expectation of "ring by spring." At the BYU, if you've been dating for a semester, there must be a reason if there's not a ring on it!

I'm not at BYU anymore. I'm happily pursuing my masters degree in the armpit of America. (smelly and always hot, but not all together unpleasant with the appropriate treatment (deodorant for armpits, and a boyfriend for Portales!) But I digress...

I guess the "ring by spring" philosophy isn't just a Utah thing. There has been increasing external pressure about my relationship. Not from my family (you are all wonderful, thank you) but from people at church. The following are actual quotes from TODAY at stake conference:

Member of our bishopric: "How are you, Justin? It's good to see you two. How are you doing? (gesturing at the two of us)"

Member of the STAKE PRESIDENCY: "Are you engaged yet? (I show him my naked third finger) Justin, you've found her; now you just have to marry her."

And last week when I was Skyping with Justin's mom in Equador (just me):

"Emily, can you tell me anything else about the nature of your relationship? We just love you and we want you to be a part of our family, and we couldn't be happier that Justin has found you.... (insert all the nice things you could say about/to a girl your son is dating here)"

Her effusive compliments made me feel a little uncomfortable, I wish I could tell her that I love her son, but that the ball's in his court, and pushing him won't make anything move quicker. There is also a part of me that wonders if she just wants an excuse to come back to the states, which she can only do for weddings and funerals of immediate family, and since Justin's little sister is on a mission, it's up to us to get her back to the states.

And Thursday with Justin's mom (with Justin there):

"What is the nature of your relationship?" *Justin shrugs* "Justin, you know Emily's leaving in May, right?"

I don't know how to tell people that we're good where we are for now. I'm in the middle of school, yes, I would plan a wedding if it was right, but it would be so much stress. I'd rather not while I am in school. I just know that he'll do it in his own time, and when he's ready. I'm not going to rush him, and I don't think it's going to kill either of us to wait a bit.

So I suppose I am thankful that my stress is external and not internal, because I can just shrug and smile at all the questions. It's harder to shrug at oneself.

And maybe, just maybe there will be a ring by spring this year... but we'll see.

What I want the young women to know about modesty.

Today I left church angry. So very angry, because of something that had been said in our young women's lesson. As part of the lesson, we talked about modesty. One of the girls said something about if you don't dress modestly you could get raped. I loudly disagreed with that statement, and one of the other leaders said:

"I don't care what the feminists say; if you dress like that [immodestly], a bad man could get the wrong idea and you might get raped"

Call me a feminist, but what you're telling these girls is "if you dress immodestly, it's your fault if you get raped." You are scaring them into obedience, which is the worst reason to be obedient. Yes, you should dress modestly, but had there been time (we had already gone over, which is likely why the above statement was made without further discussion) here's what I wish I had could have taught the girls about why they should dress modestly:

When you dress modestly, you are showing that you respect yourself. You understand that you are not just an object, valued only for looking good, but that you have inherent worth, "you are a daughter of Heavenly Father who loves you."

When you dress modestly, and show that you respect yourself, you help ensure that other people will also treat you with the respect you show yourself.

When you are dressed modestly you are more comfortable. You don't have to be embarrassed when your bishop, or young women's leader show up in an unexpected setting. You're not constantly pulling your shirt up or tugging your shorts/skirt down.

When you dress modestly, your behavior will follow  You should dress for the kind of behavior you want to display. When you dress immodestly, it is like putting on a costume, you will behave in a way that someone who dresses immodestly would behave. Dressing modestly will likely lead to modest actions.

And yes, when you dress modestly, those who may have had inappropriate thoughts, are less likely to have them about you based on your clothing... but that's no guarantee that their thoughts will stay pure. Frankly, that's not in your control or your responsibility. Men  should be expected to be gentlemen, and not animals, unable to control themselves. Yes, you can help, but that is not your prime directive.

Bottom line. Immodesty is no excuse for rape. Be modest because you respect yourself, be modest because you love Jesus, be modest because your body is a gift, that was paid for by someone who loves you infinitely. That should be reason enough to treat it well, not because you are scared of being raped.