Evil plotting...

Ever since I was a wee freshman here at BYU I have had a dream. A dream of making it into the campus paper's police beat. For those of you not at the Y we have a newspaper called the Daily Universe (My father calls it the Daily Uni-farce) It's not all bad-- I make good use of the sudoku and the crossword puzzle, and I always pick up the Wednesday editions for the police beat, where they document some of the 'crimes' that have happened on campus. Nearly every one ends with "When police arrived, the suspect was gone."
Click here for the best of the Police Beat for the past decade. And remember, these are serious...My favorites from this best of edition:
June 29, 2006: A man was found bathing in the fountain of the Joseph F. Smith Building and praying to a rock.
March 26, 2008: The mother of a BYU student called police when she suspected that her daughter’s roommate stole her butter knife. The mother later called to drop the charges.
Sept. 6, 2000: A BYU employee was walking near the Harris Fine Arts Center when she heard the cries of a kitten. As she picked up the small kitten, the animal attacked, scratching and biting her. When the police arrived they were unable to locate the offending feline.
July 4, 2009: An owl was found in the former president’s home. An officer communicated with the owl and it left.
Nov. 25, 2005: An unknown person used a washable wipe marker to write obscenities such as “poo-poo” and “poo” on a black Denali parked in Heritage Halls.
Oct. 23, 2006: An assault was reported in R Hall of Deseret Towers. One male student threw a bug on another male student, who retaliated by spraying shaving cream on the male who threw the bug. Shaving cream got in the eyes of the first student and the argument quickly escalated and became a physical confrontation.
Feb. 2, 2007: A student reported a suspicious individual with long gray hair and a beard inside a restricted lab in the Clyde building. Upon arrival, the officer found a mannequin in the reported location
March 21, 2008: BYU police received a call reporting a male dressed in a bright yellow suit looking for duck eggs near the duck pond. When police arrived at the scene the man was nowhere to be found.
Oct. 2001: A female BYU student living in Deseret Towers received a suspicious looking brown paper package in the mail. The student did not recognize the return address and called the police. After investigating, police concluded that a friend had purchased a Beanie Baby on E-Bay and the Beanie Baby has been sent directly to the BYU student.
Sept. 30, 2008: Female students in Helaman Halls complained about a man in a gorilla suit attempting to scare students near the Cannon Center. When police arrived, there was no sign of either the complainant or the gorilla. Students complained again early Oct. 3 about a man in a gorilla mask. The gorilla has not yet been identified. (This one's funny to me because when I was a freshman a man came to our dorm window in a gorilla suit and nearly scared the pants off me. We laughed and sent him to the neighbor's window, then called and told them to look out the window because the moon was really pretty that night...muahahahaha)



Do you see why it would be so awesome to make it into the Police beat. Unfortunately, I am a rule abiding kind of girl. Police freak me out. I was at the MOA Carl Bloch desplay the other night and a security guard told me to keep my hands at least 12 inches away from the painting (while I was POINTING at part of a painting) and I felt sick and wanted to leave right away! I really don't like breaking the rules. THEREFORE... I have come up with another way to make the newspaper.... Muah hahahahaha hahaha  haha ha!